Apparently, my silly ass was unaware that there is an art to begging. I ran across another of SirRender's always educational posts today. Ironically, I had just begged myself hoarse for M last night in a desperate tumble of pleads and tears as he already had me frantic with need. The original post and comments made me reflect.
I've never begged. My natural mentality even as a child was to simply accepted what was freely given. I didn't whine. I didn't nag. What was was. What wasn't wasn't. I was a child of the 80's recession, and growing up my parents were solidly good hard-working middle class folks. I was raised on Kool-Aide not pop (soda for you non-Ohians.) At times we made due with what we had while feeling blessed with those we loved. Those were the kind of lessons of my youth.
As I grew to an adult, my mentality never shifted. I rarely ask for anything. It fact, it is extraordinarily difficult for me to accept gifts. (Important note: give, given, gifts in my case RARELY mean materialistic shit. I'm not that type of girl.) My thought is that what those around me freely give (respect, kindness, affection, etc.) reflects on who they are and what I am to them. More than words spoken, it often tells me what I need to know about a person and their intent.
I may...if it is important...ask for it. But I won't beg, nag, or plead. I don't manipulate. I don't pout. I've never been a spoiled child. If I ask for something and receive it, I'm very appreciative, and I don't forget or take it for granted. If my request wasn't granted or not exactly what I'd hoped for, either it couldn't happen, the giver couldn't be bothered, or the giver didn't feel I deserved it. The first I understand. The latter two, I...see and remember.
My big point in all this? I don't have ANY practice in begging. And now that I'm with M, begging is demanded at times. I don't believe I'm graceful at it by any means, especially after reading the examples SirRender posted. When M makes me beg during our play, it's almost as if He's opening a door to freedom for me. My hidden desperation and need run wild and untamed without apology. I no longer am held back afraid that I'm too needy or asking too much. My begging is frantic and unrefined. Raw. Genuine. And littered with emotions.
My response is not simply to being order to beg. Not at all. It's M. He's the only Man who has ever ripped me wide open and devoured all the passion I have to give. He never says it's too much. He always looks at me and demands more. He wrings me out emotionally, mentally, and physically. Begging is simply a tool He uses to achieve His desired results...me at His mercy. ~whimper~
However, I thought it might me good for me to practice the Protocol of Begging at least in my head for now. Those six steps may be difficult to remember while in desperate submission and need if M ever demanded such a thing from me.
Prostration: On my knees. Legs tuck under me. Ass up. Bent over with my breasts pressed to the ground. My lips and face pressed to His feet. My arms curled around His heels in need.
Salutation: <A reverent whisper with tears streaming down my face.>M, you are so good to me Sir. I am luckiest slave to have you Own my mind, body, and soul. You guide me as no other and lead me where I belong. You are my Alpha and Omega. My destiny. Without you I am lost.
Supplication: Your devoted pet...your pathetic whore...humbly requests the cherished honor to please you by licking and sucking your beautiful black cock for hours. Your slut promises to choke and gag myself as it takes every inch of you down its throat and will willingly vomit if you so desire. Sir, please...may your obedient property serve my King?
Justification: I only seek to serve and please you as you desire. To relax you and take away the day's stress. To use your slave in such a way often brings you great joy and utter satisfaction.
Benediction: Thank you My King for even considering granting my wish to serve you. Sir, I beg that you would allow me to pleasure you so.
Recession: Still in the same position I was never moving...absolute submission. Yet I kiss His feet and wait patiently for M's decision.
Hmmmm...I'm open to helpful pointers on how I might improve if anyone has any suggestions.
However, it doesn't feel right to me. Nor, most importantly, to M. We dance naturally well together. We don't count. We don't follow pre-formatted steps. We are a perfect match that instinctually flow and blend together. It's always an intense fiery inferno between us, controlled by M's dominance and desires. He prefers me raging and primal. He sets me free to run hard and long with Him guiding our every step. We are elemental. Beasts countering each others moves and adapting to the mystery of what might be next...what he might demand, how I might respond. That's half the challenge and the fun for us. Anything more formal seems to have the potential to take away from the power and passion that is us.
But it did give me quite a few things to consider. ;-)