Sunday, August 26, 2012

Realizations & Tells

Realization:  M brings all of me together.  My life of separate shoeboxes is fading.  Instead I've taken the initial steps to merge my threads and create a soft, beautiful blanket to wrap around my life and warm my heart.  The ones who love and respect me are more powerful together than they are apart.

Tell:  I giggle like a little girl tossed her favorite candy when Daddy calls.  He brings me sheer fucking joy.

Realization:  I suck at Scrabble.  I'm okay with this.  Once and a while I have a moment of genius, but that's it.  lol

Tell:  Daddy's love can easily move me to tears.  My love for him can leave me unable to breathe.

Realization:  I'm struggling to be strong and maintain my submission at the same time.  When I hurt, I push away the pain to survive.  In submission I let the pain burn and surrender to helplessness.  How do I do both?

Tell:  I'll wait.  No matter how long it takes.

Realization:  Hope and happiness go hand in hand.

Tell:  Daddy's disappointment wounds me.  His pride makes me strong.

Realization:  External bullshit that aggravates my Warrior interferes in my focus.

Tell:  I apologize automatically when I don't feel like I'm enough.

Realization:  Even though I don't know the exact destination, if I keep asking M for directions I'll stay with Him and find the way.

That's it for this weekend.  Still absorbing it all.

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