Sunday, August 19, 2012

Another Ex-

It's 8:30 PM.  A quiet night after a rough afternoon/evening.  A day of ex-ness that I'm wrapping up with a bottle of red from my ex-lover.  It's surprisingly half decent.  Not fabulous or something I'd buy, but in a pinch (which this is)...drinkable.  Huh...kinda like him.

Parted ways with a piece of my soul this evening.  Necessity won, and so I cried.  17 years and a ton of memories.  My sanity when all else was falling apart around my ears.  For a moment, I'd fly.  For a moment, I would lose myself in memories and dreams.  A reminder of my youth, a reminder of my long ago ex, a reminder of when I had a heart, a reminder of how to feel.  That piece of sanity and hope was the only thing my ex-husband ever gave me that I valued.  At times it was one of the few things that kept me breathing.  It was my longest relationship with anything.  And it's now no longer mine.   Another "ex" to add to the list of what use to be.

That list is feeling very, very long and wearing this evening.  Ex-lovers, ex-dreams, ex-plans, ex-mine, ex-, ex-, ex-.  Maybe the only thing I truly know how to do well is let go.  I could make a case for that.  Then again, it's a pretty short fucking list of what I have had that was really worth hanging onto.  But that's not something to brag about really either.  A bit embarrassing actually.

~sigh~  Time for another glass and to sit on the back porch and listen to crickets because this isn't getting me any damn where.

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