Counting.
When I'm asked directly how many men I've fucked, yes...I can go through, write the names down, and count. But this isn't a number I have on a billboard constantly flashing in my memory bank. And no, it's definitely not because the number is so large that I can't keep track. By some people's standards, I'm quite low given that I'm nearly 40 and been sexually active for about 24 years. That tends to happen since I can restrain myself and be monogamous as well as be alone and not require a member of the opposite sex and/or sex to satisfy or stroke my ego. Yes...I know that sounds a bit judgmental for a woman comfortable with an open relationship and sharing her lovers. But the practice of numbered conquests repulses me.
When my lover in my last long-term relationship put a number on me, quite honestly...I almost threw up. I was in the drive thru at McDonald's. Suddenly my absolute favorite mocha held zero appeal. Part of me wanted to cry. I was some number on a list in his head. I deserved better than that.
I simply struggle to understand what exactly I'm getting that's so damn special if 200 (No, that wasn't my number.) other people have sampled, basked in it, wallowed with it. And if you are comfortable passing it out so freely, then how it is that I'm supposedly so meaningful. But maybe that's the mistake I make...there's a certain undefinable point where what I'm getting isn't special and to that kind of person, I am easily and completely replaceable because some other wet hole will do just fine.
For me, none of the men I've shared my body with are a number, except of course my first which is well...my first. Good or bad each of my previous lovers has a name and for better or worse had a reason why they were in my life in that moment between my thighs. Then again, I tend to think of the opposite sex as human beings and not cattle, but hey...that's just me being difficult I suppose.
The other thing I don't get...
Black Men Being a Genuine Fetish.
First let's define a fetish.
Fetish: "A course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment."I'm not venting about a like/preference here. I'm bitching about the "Oh I Have to Have Him Because I Love Black Men" mentality.
Do I prefer black men? In general yes, because I prefer strong, agressive men and those traits tend to be more apparent in the black culture. I'm a strong, agressive woman and seek a dominant male that can match my personality. Do I date or fuck other races? Yes, if there is chemistry between us. Just as I fuck a black man if there's chemistry between us. The other key preference factor is that in general, I don't do it for white boys. I'm tall. I'm thick. In my experience, black men will check me over one, twice, and more if there's time. White boys will look at me and consider me fat and a threat to their egos. My stance is that if I'm a threat to your ego, your ego isn't strong enough for me in the first place. lol
The point for me is the color of a man's skin does not define our compatibility or my satisfaction. The color of his skin does not put him in a different category that I keep track of separately and wear like a badge of honor. I don't count blued-eyed men. I don't count blondes. However, I do have categories like "douche bag/asshole," "nice guy," "fool," and for a very select few..."Mmmmm...Wow! ~sigh~" ;-)
I just can't think of a black man in the same terms as I can flogging, nipple clamps, being spanked, hair pulling, choking on a nice thick well-hung dick, etc. Those are activities. A lover is a person, not a fetish. My mind doesn't work that way. A man isn't an automatic "will do" just because his skin is darker than mine, and it makes me incredibly sad to realize that others think this way about another human being.
Maybe this all simply boils down to my inability to "objectify" people to nothing but numbers or a color. ~shrug~ However, this is my opinion on my blog which outlines how I prefer to view and approach people, relationships, kink, and life. For everyone out there with a specific need and approach, there's someone out there that has the balance to that. Am I twisted? Yep. I'm looking for another twisted individual that blends well with my angles and curves. So I understand that for every "Count-er" or "Black-Men-fetishizer" there's I'm sure a "Countee" or a "Want Me Only Because I'm Black" man out there for them. May they find each other and live happily ever after. Tra-la-la.
I'll wait for something/someone with a bit more depth and as a new friend of mine put it "substance."
~Domina
We're all, in different ways, products of our environment, yes?
ReplyDeleteWe live in an extremely oversexed culture. I think these people who say some of the things you've articulated are responding to the over sexualized cultivation that begins almost from the cradle nowadays. Children, single digit ages, are playing games to see who can sleep with the most people. GGGGRRRRRR!
I better stop! This is getting me worked up.