Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Beasts Rage

A battle of deviant beasts.
Passion's violence.
Focused fury.

Rained.
    Rained.
        Rained.

Down.

Brutal blows beat.
Sharp slaps stung.
Pain pounded pleasure.

Defiance sought blindly that dark madness.

My soul.

Ripped.
    Exposed.
        Bleeding out.

Under You.

Ordered to my knees at Your feet.
Thick thighs spread in whorish invitation.
Fat utters heaved.

Burning rain poured.
Over your chosen queen.
And filthy prideless bitch.

Claimed.
Your animal.
Property to abuse.

The reviled slut.
Roared to life.
And tasted her sweet destiny.

Stained in You.
Dripped of You.
Reeked of You.

Burn.
    Burn.
        Burn.

You seeped into my pours.

The leash's quiet click echoed in my soul.
Submission trembled.
The sharp edge of madness hovered.

Lead.
Pushed.
Opened.
Filled.

You.
    You.
        You.

Inside.
Me.
So deep.

I tumbled over the ragged cliff.

Sweet peace.
Freedom on Your chain.
Dark flight through heaven and hell.

No i.

Yours.

Take.
    Feast.
        Own.

Yours.

Pain.
    Agony.
        Cruelty.

Finally...
Yes...
Ahhh...

Surrender.

The battle gratefully lost.
My place found.
Peace settled like a blanket over the fallen.

Pale thighs punished.
Stretch cunt pulsed around You.
Your brutal pain devoured.

More.
  More.
    More.

My very soul in Your hands.

You.
  Yours.
    Us.

This.

Your greedy whoreslutcuntmeat.
Broken contently beneath you.
Cleansed pure in Our twisted fire.

Remade.
  Whole.
    Transformed.

In the wake of Your vicious Destruction.
~DominaKat

Oh...Daddy...

Oh...
Daddy...

How you.
Cherish.
So much.

Your little girl.

My Daddy's eyes.
See the child.

A doll house.
Built.
To laugh and play.

Sweet.
Joy.

Oh...
Daddy...

How You.
Take.
Such care.

Of me.

My Daddy's hands.
Rescue His baby.

My wound.
Tended.
My tears dried.

Fierce.
Guardian.

Oh...
Daddy...

How You.
Protect.
And fight for.

Your pet.

His strong arms.
Hold me so tight.

Caught as I jump.
Kissed as I cried.
A thousand ways treasured.

Home.
His.

Oh...
Daddy...

How You.
Love.
Without hesitation.

Me.

Oh...
Daddy...

Oh...
Daddy...

I am forever.
Yours.
~DominaKat

Monday, May 27, 2013

Love & Submission

My submission is not a game.  It was never an idle toy I endeavored to play with.  D/s was not a singular puzzle piece of myself I tried to align with various partners, asking do I fit with you?  Do I fit with you?  Do you fit in here?  I was not a fat bubbling bee that buzzed and flit to and fro seeking to steal nectar from whomever.

No.  No.  No.

My submission isn't a thread I simply wanted tugged on or one of a hundred puzzle pieces to fit or a game to play or a vague mystic quest of aimless wandering.

My submission was and is and always has been the most private and intimate life blood of my soul.

It is the root of my existence - the breath of my life.

For most of my life, I starved.  My withered soul nearly dead.  The heart beat so faint that I wondered if what I thought existed was only just a mirage in me.

Then I found M.

Slowly He held the crucible to my lips for me to sip.  One small drink at a time until I finally began to feel life in my truth for the first time.  Until I finally realized my destiny...who I was always meant to be.

A year ago...the love, honor, and trust I felt for that Man brought me helplessly and irrevocably to my knees to offer myself and my absolute submission unquestionably at His feet.  My physical, mental and emotional submission was and is born of my deep love for M.

No matter when or where or what surrounds us...with a word, a touch, a glance, my submission is His.  It a heartbeat, He can call on that vital well in me so long hidden and stir my inner most pool or inspire it to rage.  The place that no one has ever reached.  That secret holy sanctuary I allowed no one to witness or touch.  Is His.

Not because of a game or a thrill or a diversion or an aimless trek.  I am His because I fell in love with Him, and He actively pursued the very best of me through love, honor, and respect.

I say all this to remember.  I look back on a year of sweet highs and yes even some rough lows to see how and why I am here in this place today with M.  I take stock of what has been and what is  now, and I ponder where we will go from here and what a year from today might look like.

As dawn breaks and the birds chirp, I look at that beautiful Man asleep in my bed, and my heart still melts.  I want to dive back into His heat and cling to His embrace.  He makes me laugh and giggle.  He inspires a raw, pure hope that renders me speechless.  He can dissolve me to tears or push me to endless passion.

For Him I have and would beg.

He has a control over me I've never given a soul.  Not even myself.

My submission a year ago was strong and peaceful.

My submission now remains helplessly at His feet in surrender.

It always will.
~DominaKat

Monday, May 20, 2013

A Babygirl's Joy

Over the last year, I've discovered that babygirl in me has her blessings and challenges.  Her best quality is (in my eyes)...

Her unapologetic joy.

It is pure.  It is bright.  It is a thousand vibrant colored balloons on a beautiful sunny day.

My Daddy will be here this weekend!!!!!!  Yes!  Yes!  YES!!!!!  Hehehe

Babygirl's joy is flooding my system.  lol  I am helpless to deny her.  For the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm letting my excitement flow well before something is directly in front of me.  In every other trip either one of us has made, I've remained calm, cool, and collected until either Him or I have boarded and are officially on our way.  Now - DAYS ahead of time -I'm as giddy and as goofy as a school girl with her first crush.

I love my Daddy ridiculously.  I have no pride or composure.  Just that sweet warm brilliant joy.  I can't wait to hear Him laugh, can't wait to see Him smile, can't wait to play like kids, and can't wait to be cuddled up into Him like...well...a child with her Daddy.  lol

I am consistently amazed at the emotions M inspires in me.

The answer of why is trust.  I trust Him physically, mentally, and most of all emotionally.  I trust Him not just with here and now but most of all with my heart tomorrow.  I believe in His love for me.  I bask in it.

Tonight, I wondered briefly at where the rational, sane woman who also inhabits this body has disappeared to, but then I realized she was only a few feet away, smiling big, and clutching a few balloons too.  lol  ;-)

~DominaKat

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

When I Knew...

The moment when I knew really knew I was all in...

It was a very warm day last Memorial Day weekend, and M and I were walking through Washington Square Park.  The kids were playing in the fountain.  A huge grin immediately broke across my face, and I asked M if I could play too.  After much teasing and banter, He indulged me.  I slipped off my sandals and climbed over the rim as He sat down to watch.  I walked out a few feet.  The water lapping at my soles, then my ankles, then my calves.  I giggled with delight at the fountain's geyser as "rain drops" peppered my warm flesh.

I remember my smile.

I remember my sheer joy.

I remember turning around to see His head cocked just so, looking so dapper and composed.

And right then I knew without any doubt...I was deeply in love with this Man.

I've never played with a lover.  The silly, sweet, goofy girl in me has rarely seen the light of day and never with a romantic interest.  That so quickly the child in me would not just poke her head out of her room but run laughing out into the light of day without thought or hesitation told me how incredible our connection was.

She'd never felt so safe.  She'd never felt so loved or cherished.  She'd never been free.

That little girl realized in a heartbeat what the rest of me hadn't yet understood.  I'd already given my heart completely to M.

~sigh~

I love that Man somethin' fierce.
~DominaKat

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Wrapped in His Love

My submission to M is a tapestry of all in me.  The hungry whore.  The vulnerable babygirl.  The woman.  The willing masochistic victim.  The strong warrior.  And even analytical Alfred.  They all blend together to form my submission and desire for dominance.  Each serves.  Each finds pleasure and purpose in their service.  Their unique tones and flavors ebb and flow through the day, the week, the moment, the year depending on circumstances, desires, and opportunities.

Lately, I've worked toward being stronger in my submission.  What M needs most right now is His strong woman at His back to fight for Him, work for Him, and be His port in stormy seas.  And what I need right now to be my best is a strong firm place to begin.  

My love.  my submission.  my practical me - all must begin with strength and courage, intent and focus.  Yet, somehow along the way, babygirl began to be my beginning.  Yes, she loves absolutely and with a sweet purity that knows no pride.   She is soft and sweet and devoted.  But her vulnerabilities and softness did not lend themselves to a steady, harmonious dance of Dominance and submission, which only made turbulent water we came upon so much worse for us both.

Yet...Though I've tried for the last week, I can't bury that little girl as I did so long ago as a child.  M nurtured her to existence and set her free.  Now, it's nearly impossible for me to stuff her in a closet and forget she's there.  She won't let me.  Even when I try.  

In the dead of night, she snuck out and made her presence known.  No drama.  No chaos.  Just simply, looked me straight in the eye and said, "I just need to curl up with my Daddy."  I hesitated to reach out to Him.  I was torn, but gave in to the need.   I didn't want to see her - to acknowledge her need or her weakness.  I wanted to be strong and sure of myself again, not trapped by the softest pieces of me.  Yet, I was starting to wonder if by denying babygirl I was somehow pushing an emotional distance between M and I that had never been there.   Last night, once I acknowledge her presence, I felt steadier.  That side of my submission was filled in again with the pure love, devotion, and sweetness I'd been avoiding the last few days out of fear of the vulnerability they might bring.

However, I still fought for control most of the day.  Between the rough night and my own momentary personal struggle for the day, I couldn't keep babygirl quietly tucked away.  She didn't get out of control, but she kept me breathless.  The need for the safety and security of my Daddy's love clawed at me.  ~sigh~  I didn't hide that I was struggling from M.  Though part of me longed to in order to shield Him.  To show Him I could keep up my strength.  To not fail Him in any way.  Yet the harder I fought harder to push babygirl away, the more tension I felt and couldn't quench.

When Daddy wrapped His love around me, I cried in relief.  He fought for me in that moment, charging in like a knight in shining armor to set things right.  He kissed away my tears.  He gave my babygirl a safe, perfect, warm place to curl into.  Then he took my hand and led me where I needed to go.  He made me laugh.  He gave me instructions.  I followed and finally found the peace and balance again that I so need and crave.

I'm not sure He understood just how much I appreciated His strong presence today.  For more than a year now, we have become more and more intertwined in each other's hearts and minds.  When we are in synch there is an astounding peace and rightness that I've never experience anything even close to even in the best of times with others.  A sweet harmony.  

It isn't always easy for us.  Some days are hard.  But we get through.  Every day, we choose one another and work on our difficulties or enjoy our victories.  Today, despite my struggle and challenges, I count it a victory.  Because with M's steady Dominance, I was able to gracefully surrender and find my strength again, so I could be stronger for Him, me, and Us.

Thank you Daddy.  For all that you do.
~DominaKat

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

His Instrument

There are so many fitting analogies to describe a D/s dynamic.  I've used many of them myself over the last year.  As the relationship grows and life ebbs and flows around a couple's interactions, patterns and opportunities evolve.  I've spent a considerable amount of time working through new evolutions.  I've sucked at adapting fluidly to those adjustments lately.  Too worried about coloring outside of the lines or straying from the path, I've failed to do well for M, myself, or my submission.

As I've thought different pieces through tonight, I came up against some hard truths and maybe...just maybe I've found an analogy that helps me clear away the haze that has frustrated me again and again.

The hard truth is that I am His.  Me. This.  My submission.  It's His.  No matter when.  No matter how.  No matter why.  Being His isn't a mask I wear or a role I put on when the bedroom door shuts behind us.  This is what I was always meant to be, yet He created this.

Me.  This.  My submission.  It's as if I am His custom guitar.

When we met, I was nothing more than raw materials.  No one had seen the potential or had the skills to assemble such a complicated instrument.  Yet patiently He carved my planes and crafted my curves. He painstakingly bore away and sanded down my imperfections with care and precision, nurturing to the surface the best of my qualities.  As he pieced together and stained the pliant wood in His colors, He created a magical place for my submission to exist inside those humble boards.  He formed the strong neck where His fingers would define the melodies He'd be inspired to play.  Then finally He carefully stretched taunt my strings across that oh so delicate bridge and tuned me so quietly even I didn't realize what He'd created.

When He was ready. When I was ready.  When it was finally time.

I sang for Him as He pluck my chords and danced His fingers over me again and again.

He knows me intimately.  My strengths and weaknesses.  My idiosyncrasies.  My depths.  With just the barest of effort my submission comes to life for Him.

For Him, I can fill the air with a chorus filled of laughter and joy, or I can scream for Him in a dark passion so fierce and mighty the walls tremble.  At His tenderest caress, my submission will hum quietly along the surface in tranquility.  When life's troubles batter at our door, He can lay down the blues or stroke a mournful ballad that makes me weep.  And yes...He can even leave me in silence, cradled quietly in His arms until He's ready.

Me.  This.  My submission.  I am His to play.

I don't always stay in tune, but with some adjustments or a new string, I can sing sweetly again for my Dominant and Owner.  The tone, the melody, the pace are all His to define.  Together, we create  music that is unique and beautifully ours.

Yes...that has helped me see a bit better tonight.
~DominaKat