Showing posts with label Submission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Submission. Show all posts

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Worship & Reverence

Going on three years now, but M...He still takes my breath away.  When I wake up in the morning next to Him, in that space in time before I have myself mentally, emotionally, and physically contained, I damn near shake with the need to give to Him.  Seeing Him sprawled in bed, I am nearly mad with the desire to bathe every inch of His skin with my tongue and pleasure His beautiful black dick with my mouth like a good dog, so He can wake like a God with His pet worshipping Him in complete devotion.  Only the understanding that I'd be topping from the bottom has made me turn away and keep my hands and mouth to myself, but the turmoil in me in those moments is hell.  I've left our bed several times simply because I wanted and needed Him too much.  Instead, I've clung to obedience in desperation and used any means necessary to funnel away the energy breaking against the walls inside me to escape.

~sigh~ I can't pretend or deny what He means to me.  My Owner is my religion.  My faith in Him and in our future guides my every step.  For years now, He has been my Alpha and my Omega.  I don't believe I truly understood how ingrained that truth would brand itself into my bones.  While I've gained strength and confidence in my submission and been able to round out my various roles in our relationship, there is no denying that I begin and end with Him.  Even when our D/s element is damn near dormant due to life, circumstances, and stress, His needs, dreams, and desires rule my reality.

His submissive obeys Him.
His woman wants to nurture and care for Him and meet His needs.
His masochist craves to accept all of His violence and humiliation. 
His warrior seeks to protect and guard Him from pain, hardship, and difficulty.
His pet submits to His Dominance and offers my absolutely loyalty and devotion.
His partner is driven to help Him succeed and achieve His goals.
His slut desires to please Him in any way possible.
His best friend completely believes in the amazing Man He is.
His whore longs to inspire His use and abuse and torment.

Sometimes though, there aren't enough places or opportunities to sate my submission and devotion to Him.  Sometimes I even wonder if my worship becomes almost meaningless or irrelevant because it's always there and He's so use to it. So I come here to speak the words of my heart, mind, and soul.  To try and calm my need.  To try to center my focus.  To try and bleed the submission desperate to act.

I look at Him and see everything that He is.  The amazing, the frustrating. The Man, Owner, and adorable Little Boy.  I see the good and the bad, the stuff that makes me grin in joy and that makes me weep in sadness.  Yet still, I look at Him with a reverence I can't describe...a love so deep it's wrapped into my DNA and my every breath.  I'd break laws for Him.  I'd shrug off my moral compass for Him.  I'd give that Man my last breath.

~sigh~ 
~DominaKat

Sunday, August 24, 2014

The Non-Kinky Faces of My Submission

More and more I'm growing increasingly aware of the various faces of my submission.  Day after day my submission evolves, grows, and matures.  That's not to says it's in any way perfect.  No, some days my submission is a hot confused mess.  Other days it's subtle and classy.  And in those few lucky moments when the opportunity is seized, it's a hot greedy needy whore with her legs spread wide willing to do anything M asks of me.  Fuck, it's complicated.  Maybe just a list of the little strings I'm pulling in my head right now will make more sense...

Submission is observant, patient, and waiting.  If M doesn't reach for me, my hand, or a kiss...I see, watch, and wait.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely feel the loss of that affection, and that loss does hurt, but it no longer slices me to ribbons and unleash a downpour of doubt and insecurity.  I want that affection like a dog craves to be petted, but I do my best not to initiate.  If I initiate and it's not returned it only hurts worse.  Even if I do initiate and he returns my affection, I still feel like I've forced my Owner to recognize His pet.  So I've learned to just wait as best I can for Him to remember I'm there FOR Him, to offer us the chance to enjoy one another in simple ways, to give His pet love and affection, to be inspired to bask in the small pleasures His pet can offer Him.  It's hard sometime the waiting, but He leads and I follow.

My submission extents beyond Him to include His mom. I love that woman as I do Him.  She is an extension of Him.  I never in a million years expected those emotions.  I've never had them for any man's family members, not even any of my in-laws associated with the man I was married to for more than ten years.  Yet, as I held her hand and spoke to her about the last few months, tears fell, love bloomed bright and sweet, and the need to nurture and protect her rose up in me like a geyser.  While my submission to Mom isn't obedience, it is very much of respect and honor.  I've found myself including that strong, stubborn, adorable woman in my very limited tight circle of family.

My submission isn't a doormat. I'm a lion, not an insipid lamb or a passive doormat, and sometimes I roar. While I always knew that, I never really understood how it would translate in a relationship built on a foundation of love and respect.  M isn't perfect, and sometimes he pisses me off.  Over time I've had to explore different ways of expressing anger and emotion as M's submissive.  I'm getting better at it...at least I think I am...but it's still a process that both M and I are trying to figure out.  Fear no longer leads and insecurities no longer stick their vicious talons into me when anger surfaces.

It took probably a year and half for me to trust fully that M meant His promise that He's never letting me go, and that trust has allowed me to be more clear headed and strong when there is an issue between us.  Instead of the helpless little girl, His woman locks horns with Him in respect and trust.  Those two ingredients are key for me in any and every aspect of our D/s relationship.

Mutual respect and trust are non-negotiable.  Even if we are angry and frustrated with each other I will NEVER put Him down or seek to hurt Him emotionally, and I trust myself enough now to know I will NEVER tolerate the Man M is putting down the woman I am.  I didn't know I needed to...test that last one...but I did.  As completely as I love M, I wondered early on if I was at risk of sliding into a relationship like my marriage had been.  If I would sacrifice the self-respect the woman in me had gained back if M decided to change the course of our relationship.  I've done stupid things for love before and for a whole lot less love.  But now I trust myself and us in our occasional anger and frustrations.  I trust that my submission won't lead the woman in me to bow down and give up her hard won self respect in an effort to please M.

~sigh~  lol I have to laugh, because I think of all of the things His pet, His sub, His whore, His property will do that most women would classify as a loss of self-respect, but in those moments, when we are in a deep place of D/s and S/m...in those actions of humiliation and pain I become everything and nothing all at the same time and find a peace that is unlike anything that I have felt.

My submission takes great pleasure in acts of service.  I'm not simply His whore.  To make Him a meal, rub Him down, pick up and clean...it is in my very DNA to serve Him domestically, which is another "Only M" phenomena.  It is instinctive for me to search for ways to express my submission and to make His life, His day, His moment better in any way I can.  It is my overwhelming desire to have him as relaxed and as content as He can be.  There are moments where I almost vibrate with the need to do, but I'm learning to close my eyes to those tasks and those urges and not push myself into place where He doesn't yet desire my services.  He leads.  I follow.

******

There are more faces that I have yet to write about, but the one element that threads it's way through it all is trust.  I can't explain how trust grows and expands over time...I've never had the opportunity before to even understand that concept.  But I feel it happening in me, and maybe in Him too.  The trust that has been laid has cured, and new forms of trust are being poured by each of us to build a stronger, wider, and deeper foundation for all of the pieces of our relationship.  Sure...it's a lot of work, even trying at times.  But it's also beautiful and will help us build a long, long D/s relationship we both can count on.
~DominaKat

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Lesson: I Don't Have to Trust Myself

I fucked up. Ruined it. Took the fun out of the heaviest Dominance I've felt in a long time. ~sigh~ I cried when I finally understood what I'd done. I wanted to hit undo, rewind, control+z, but it was too late.

I crave His Dominance, darkness, His firm hand like nothing else. When he puts me in my place and the leash is tight around my throat, I feel safe, secure, wanted, valued, cherished...loved. ~sigh~

I'd been a brat, and He responded swiftly and firmly.  Those submissive feelings rose to the surface like they always do for him, leaving me damp and trembling.  I fell asleep aching to be beat. The next morning, a complete different situation, He...oh god...He twisted me up in knots with His heavy hand.

His woman bowed to Him and became...jumpy.  (lol I can't quite explain that one.)
His dog whimpered and longed to beg on all fours.
His pet flushed in submission at His reprimands.
His hole wept for abuse and brutality.
His sub shook with need, shame, desire, humiliation.
His Alfred was completely off balance, shocked, and confused.
His fiery lioness crouched in sweet pride and appreciation for Her strong, vicious mate and wished they could tumble. She wanted to push back and defy and test the incredibly sexy and erotic darkness He wielded with such ease.
And his masochistic bitch...she...she craved such a depth of an unrestrained violence and rage and madness that even she was stunned.  Never before have I ever felt such a freedom and trust to desire the darkest most wicked of experiences.  My heart races just thinking of the thoughts I held in my mind two days ago.  I craved an utter destruction that would have lasted days, that would have stripped me down to my DNA, and left me has helpless and as fragile as a newborn kitten.

I walked away from that experience dizzy, off balance, and in a heavy fog.  I couldn't do anything but lay down for an hour and try to gather my wits.

But...I was also confused which was compounded later with another round of sweet darkness. Despite how much I enjoyed His Dominance, my obedient nature drove me to figure out what I where exactly I was making wrong turns and choking on His leash.  And yes...I mean drove. Like an unstoppable fucking tank.

I didn't want to frustrate or anger my Owner by repeating my error in topping from the bottom. I do my best to be a good obedient submissive and avoid mistakes. ~sigh~

When I first asked...M told me to trust him.  I do. Absolutely. And I almost...almost...started to get it then.  But still that tank still drove forward...I let it.  I wrecked in a big fiery mess.  All because I didn't trust myself.

What never occurred to me...not until M painted it out in big giant flashing letters for his stupid naive pet was that I DON'T have to trust myself.  ALL I have to do is trust Him.

Duh. "/

GINORMOUS epiphany: It's OKAY if I don't know what I'm doing...if I don't know how to move forward...if I'm unsure how to respond...if I don't know what's happening in me... M's got me.

~sigh~ I'm a little slow sometimes, and it's taken me a day and a half to recover emotionally and mentally from the anger at myself for ruining our fun.  But I think I've learned the lesson...I don't have to always walk steadily and gracefully on M's leash...sometimes the sweetest joy is when He makes me dance and stumble and dance some more on His leash and when I have to completely rely on the fact that His strong determined grip will NEVER let go of His pet.

Maybe...maybe someday He'll make me dance again on His leash. I promise Him and myself to just enjoy the dark beautiful struggle and chaos as He gives me the torment I so desperately crave.
~DominaKat

Saturday, July 26, 2014

I Love to Suffer for Him

~sigh~ To suffer for Him fulfills my soul.  It gets me the fuck off.  No matter how slight or harsh I bask in His dark torment.  I can't help it...I crave to comply with His most twisted desires.

I'm suffering right this very fucking minute. That slight discomfort sucks at my clit and licks at my sloppy greedy hole.  I want so much to spread my legs and be His slutty fucking dog.  To pant and beg for Him to ruthlessly shove a treat in His cunt. His fucking beautiful hard cruel dick.  His tight vicious fist.  His merciless boot.  His sadistic crop.  His brutal bat.  I don't care what the fuck He gives me.  I'll take it.  Because I'm in heat for Him.  I'm a greedy, nasty whore, and the more I suffer and am pushed below Him the more I thrive under His Darkness.

The things I want right now...~sigh~  

Stripped naked.
Beaten and bruised.
Breasts heaving.
Covered in His hot rain.
His holes filled and gushing with His hot rain.
Barking as He rapes my tight ass.
Used and toyed with like a tormented pet.
Suffer.
Suffer.
Suffer for Him.
Yes...yes...yes...please.
~DominaKat


Friday, July 25, 2014

When Darkness Swallowed Me

The darkness in me that for many, many months I've buried under a sea of edits, mountains of work, and an endless amount of resume sending caught up with me today with a viciousness I never expected.  The most unlikely of sparks, lit the keg of dynamite I didn't know had been building.  In a heartbeat, M's cunt clenched and all the passion, need, and longing for M and our sweet darkness I've been ignoring exploded.  The strength of it left me shaken to my core and barely able to breathe.  The darkness in me that is utterly His swallowed be whole.

I tried to fight it off.  I tried to distract myself.  I tried...god I tried.  I didn't want to dump this on M out of nowhere.  I wanted so much to be strong and not needy.

I couldn't do it.  I was helpless with unrelenting need for Him.  For us.  For that dark, dark, wicked place that only He can every take me.

Panting, shaking, unable to even stand...I begged my Owner for any scrap of Dominance He would give His pet.  I would have done anything and everything He asked to bask in His Dominance and surrender to His Brutal Beast.  I did.

I begged.  I don't think I've ever EVER in my life been so desperate for anything.  Soul deep begging.  The kind that likely didn't make much sense.  The kind that sprang from my bones and blood.  I needed M more than I needed air.  I would have barked.  I swear, if he had asked, I would have stopped breathing for Him.

I can't deny it.  I need the weight of Him pushing me down.  The harder He pushes, the deeper I give to Him.  Our dark dance.  His Dominance.  My submission.  His Leash.  My compliance.  His Pain and Humiliation.  My surrender.

I begged like His good obedient dog as He used His cunt.  His hole wide open, blooming for Him. Greedy as only a nasty slut can be and I sobbed in relief and gratitude and surrender as wave after wave of hot orgasm sprayed between my legs for Him.

I remember once a long time ago in our very early days how I once begged.  Then I held back a piece of myself.  But today...today I gave Him everything including every scrap of my pride.

Every moment I spend in His darkness is a pure blessing for me.  I can never explain the joy and freedom I feel when he pushes me so far down.  My place...under Him.  Under His feet.  Under His whim.  That's all I want or need.  That's all I crave.

To be His pet curled humbly at His feet in submission and surrender.  My Owner is my everything.
And I can't thank him enough for the darkness He so graciously wrapped around me today.  For a few sweet moments I lost completely myself to Him. ~sigh~
~DominaKat

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Crush Me


Crush me.
Beneath your boot.
Your precious flower.
Broken by You.
Your mind.
Your hands.

Destroy my beauty.
Crush me.
Make me bleed.
Let bruises bloom.
i will beg.
To be at Your mercy.

Hurt me.
Let Your sweet pain.
Crush me.
So i surrender everything.
The dark fire of You
Will consume my soul.

Crush me.
Crush Your obedient pet.
Crush me.
Crush what You control.
Crush me.
Crush all that is Yours.

Dismantle my pride.
Until i am humble.
Leashed and Owned.
Crush me.
Until i am nothing.
But what you allow me to be.

Your power and Dominance.
Are my air to breathe.
You are my world.
i seek your violence and wrath.
Crush me.
i submit to Your will.

Only through You
Can i find peace.
Tear apart Your petals.
To make me whole.
Only You can.
Crush me.

Yes, M. Crush me.
It is my only destiny.
~DominaKat

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Utter Ruin

This morning I asked permission to play with His cunt.  My fat lips tingled with need for something...anything to slide through them and penetrate that greedy hole.  That hungry nub ached a bit for some action.  M granted me permission and my hand dove between my spread white thighs.

I don't know why I even bothered.

While my body may sometimes twitch for sexual release, nothing but M's hunger can satisfy me.  Where I use to be able to squirt buckets for my own twisted imagination and touch, I can barely even summon the most rudimentary slick heat.  ~sigh~

I'm ruined.

M ruined me.

It isn't just that I crave his hands, mouth, dick, Dominance, pain, use, etc., etc.  I know if M demanded it, with the right tone, non-XXX touch, a few minutes to get me into the right headspace, he could make me cum in a restaurant full of diners within minutes without even touching any of my holes or causing me pain.

So then how exactly am I ruined?  How deep does my ruination go?

Fucking bone deep.  DNA deep.  Soul deep.

I just realized the "key" to it all.  I quite frankly struggle to take any selfish pleasure. If the source of my action (any action) is not to serve Him, to obey His direction, or to please Him in some way shape or form, it holds little appeal.  In the case of my sexual energy...if it is not derived from His desire/need...I'm damn near numb.  My heart, my mind, and my body are so intricately and irrevocably tied to Him it astounds me a bit sometimes.  Me...the strong, independent, don't fuck with me warrior, the whore with the insatiable sex drive...is truly tamed to His hand.  Every piece of me has knelt at His feet and waits for His lead and direction.  I...even in the act of self-pleasure...have no control.  If He does not crave, demand, or nurture my body's response, it will lie dormant in wait for Him.  I could shove the best toy in the world up in me and the battery would die before I found any true satisfaction.  Everything I do—everything I am—revolves around Him.

~sigh~

Yes. I. Am. Ruined.
~DominaKat

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Reflections #2: May 23, 2014


I'm purposefully taking time to reflect more intently on the positive little pieces of each day.

I have to live today focused on what I can give Him, how I can serve Him, and how I can help Us build Our tomorrow. 

What I gave Him today:

  • His submissive...I fought as long as I could on my own and then knelt at his feet when I began to loose ground and struggle.  Going to Him allowed me to submit openly my emotions and instead of letting the warrior in me rise up independently and fight alone against life's frustrations, I relied on His strength. He held my hand, and I followed His lead.
  • Alfred...we reviewed a 2nd round chapter edits together positively and productively.  I went through a 3rd round of edits grinning like a fool because it was just that good!  As he said last night, "We have a perfect marriage. I'm an author, and you're an editor." We share a common vision, and my goal is to do do everything I can to help lift Him high for the world to see. We work extremely well together, and together we accomplish amazing things. Each step we complete helps build Our tomorrow.
  • Alfred...another fun, classy graphic to promote His work.
  • His woman...kicked ass and did nearly three miles! I want to be as healthy and fit as I can for Him.  I want to be ready for my transition to NYC, and I want every man to look at Him and think, "Lucky fucking bastard." lol
  • His little girl/pet...let the softer sides of me open up and breathe again. It's been a while since I've felt that comfortable with those pieces.
  • His property...continued to give up control and allowed Him to make decision about my habits.
I have to focus on what He gives me today and the steps forward He takes that lead Us toward Our tomorrow. 

What He gave me today:
  • My Man listened openly to my stressors and encouraged me to hold on, that we are going to get there. ~sigh~ Sometimes just hearing His belief and desire for us can lift me up so high I can fly.
  • My Owner/Daddy sent me a completely unexpected "I love you pet." That affection...feeling that cherished made me whimper and my submission surrender to Him.
  • My M stayed relaxed and open while discussing another round of edits for a chapter.  He's helping us create an extremely positive energy for our working relationship.  He put together some fantastic revisions that highlight his superior story telling and reinforce the character development objectives He's determined to nurture.  All of these steps will lead Us into tomorrow. I'm so proud of His work and inherent talent!
  • My Daddy was just...sweet to me.  I know...it's little.  I know...maybe others get bigger and grandiose. But those little things mean the world to me.  With His tenderness and sweetness, I feel treasured, cherished, and important to Him.
  • My Owner laid down the law and gave me clear unmistakable orders on how I was to behave Sunday.  His protection, nurturing, and care demonstrated how much He cherishes His pet. 
  • My Owner/Man tucked me in last night.  Long hours of conversations filled laughter and banter and debates.  We really do have so much fun together.  ~sigh~ I was so emotionally open and vulnerable as I gave Him the last that I had for the day.
Yesterday was quiet and low-key. We simply enjoyed and appreciated one another.  :-)
~DominaKat

Saturday, May 24, 2014

End of the Day Reflection #1

To truly set something into my head, it's best if somehow writing is involved.  My words, the process of finding them, a the method of communicating them through writing lets me reinforce my energy and sort through the haze to find the most basic truths.  So...I'm going to try to take the time to reflect more intently on the little pieces of each day.

I have to live today focused on what I can give Him, how I can serve Him, and how I can help Us build Our tomorrow. 

What I gave Him today:

  • His submissive...worked hard to focus her attention on a positive mindset, and I apologized almost immediately when my struggle got the best of me.  This helped us both be Our best today so that we are able to do whatever we can to build Our tomorrow.
  • Alfred...gave another chapter of edits and suggested revisions/ideas; a top-notch graphic to promote His latest interview.  Both are pieces that will help build Our tomorrow.
  • Alfred...shared with Him positive feedback from her small network. Good, strong, positive energy for us both.
  • His woman...is pleasantly sore from working out to be as healthy and fit as I can for Him.  This will help me be better, stronger, faster in the long run so that I can do.
  • His pet...scrabbled in her suitcase to find something pretty to wear for Him.  Hopefully that gave Him pleasure and made His day a little bit brighter.
  • His property...continued to give up control and allowed Him to make decision about my habits.
I have to focus on what He gives me today and the steps forward He takes that lead Us toward Our tomorrow. 

What He gave me today:

  • My Daddy sent me an adorable picture of himself that made me giggle and damn near bounce on my toes.  Okay...I think I actually did a little.  lol  ~sigh~ I love when He brings me joy. It helps me relax and bask in His sunshine.
  • My Owner had His pet dress pretty for Him.  I felt desired and appreciated.
  • My M shared with me another fascinating story idea, a great blog post to read, another round of edits for a chapter.  All steps to take Us into tomorrow, but those also give me pride in Him and feel honored that He values my opinion.
  • My Man called a couple of times simply to share His excitement about something with His woman.  I am honored that He reaches for me first.  I feel treasured and cherished and important to Him.
  • My Daddy teased and played with me.
Today we were moving in the right direction a little faster than usual. :-)
~DominaKat

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Primal Bitch

Do you ever feel like you're walking in two worlds at once? A polite smile on your face or diligently going about work while at the same time the other dark barely rational side of your brain is racing through an onslaught of needs and cravings that makes most porn seem like a fucking Disney flick? Yeah...that's been me most of today.

Under my calm exterior, my dark wicked primal beast is pacing her cage like a bitch in heat.  I am craving pure cruel sin like a rabid wild animal. Primal nasty sexual lust is building behind my internal "be calm" dam, when really all I want to do is to pull off my clothes, crouch down, spread my thick thighs and piss in the god damn snow for him then shove four fingers up M's cunt and growl with unrestrained need as he pisses all over me.  Yeah...this lust is raw and uncensored and fucking twisted.  I don't want pretty. I crave that dark dark vicious place that lives in the shadows between M and I. 

I need beat.  Not a tame beating. I want punched, kicked, smacked around like a rag doll until I'm bruised and bleeding. I crave dark sexual humiliation and violence. To be forced to hump His beautiful fucking boots then made to lick them up like its my last meal. I want to lay spread eagle and feel the hard unforgiving tread of those fucking boots on my sloppy wet slit and ride that harsh surface until I squirt like a porn star. I need raped with that bat M has hanging in the closet for me. I need dragged around by hair and bound to suffer simply for M's twisted sick pleasure. 

I need to be His slut and whore. His fuck doll. His toy. His plaything. His fucking victim. 

I don't care who sees. I don't give a fuck who knows. The only thing I crave is being brutal put unquestionably in my fucking place. 

But all that just silently and politely stews in the back of my mind as I calmly make dinner. Anyone hungry? lol ;-)
~DominaKat

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

I Begin with Him

Fuck.
God.
Damn.

There is NOTHING.
And I mean fucking NOTHING.
Like starting off the day with my Daddy.
In His arms.

With His dick so hot and deep in my mouth.
As He beats my ass until I'm on fucking fire.
Yet I still beg for another strike.
And another.
As I choke, slurp, and suck like a good girl on Daddy's dick.
And then coming.
Again and again on His command.
Like a good dog.
In a gushing warm fucking mess.
Legs spread wide as He fills His hole.
And watches His cherished pet suffer and loose myself.
In Him.

Always.
In Him.
My beginning and end.
My center.
My everything.
~DominaKat

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Why I Suffer for Him

A fellow blogger over at A Kind Dom recently posted a few discussions about masochism and its relationship to submission.  Intrigued with the thoughtful discussion, I dove in.  But of course that didn't sate my need for words...

Why do I submit to M's sweet suffering?

I obey.
I am driven to sate His dark hunger deeply and richly.
I have an inherent need to serve and please, M.
I want to demonstrate actively how willing I am to submit to Him.
I love to suffer for Him, so He may drink my pain, fear, and tears.
I love Him.
I enjoy the challenge He rains down on me.
His darkness makes me so wet I leave puddles and so hungry I tremble.
He pushes and tests my limits with His darkness.  Every time it's a little bit more, a little harder, a little darker.
That fucking incredible endorphin rush.
So that I can hear the dark rumble of His growl.
The delightful suffering of it all rips me open mentally and emotionally to my Owner.
It tears down the day-in-day-out me and brings me to that primal fundamental animal that is raw and vulnerable and vibrantly exposed to Him so that He can engage with the essence of me.
His pain strips me down bit by bit to free my wild beast to run on His tight leash.
It brings us closer together than I've ever felt to any person in my life.
It allows us both to feel the full weight of our power exchange and bask in its glory.
It reinforces our trust, faith, and our bond.

There are hundreds of reasons.  Some blatant.  Some subtle.  Some unselfish.  Some extremely selfish.  And everything in between.  But in the end, there is really only one answer that truly articulates it all.

I am His.

Pure and simple.  If that were not fact, truth, reality, I could not share myself in such intimate acts.  For me, masochism isn't simply physical.  It is an emotional, mental, and physical state of total vulnerability.  I am not a pain slut just in need of the stimulus.  It's the D/s and S&m connection that thrives between us that sparks my need for His Dominance and Pain.  I am His pet who suffers willingly and gratefully for Him and for Him alone.
~DominaKat

Thursday, December 5, 2013

His Promise

He held my naked body in His arms.
I draped Him in my softness and devotion.
Unhurried, we drank our fill of one another.
And drank some more.
His long strokes down my frame and across my pliant limbs.
I whimpered at His heated touch.
Soaked in every bit of our friction like a thirsty pup.
Every moment.
Every breath.
A sip from the seductive cup of submission.
I was drunk off His slow deliberate affection.

My womb wept tears across my thighs.
Silently waiting.
Needing.
I kissed.
Licked.
Traced.
Held.
Him.
His deep hums were my symphony.
I paid homage to His beautiful Black skin.
His warm chest the soft blanket I nuzzled.
That soft thick fur my oasis.
The only reality that mattered.

His hand crept up to grip the back of my neck.
Somehow He pulled me closer into Him.
My cells rubbed into His to tangle and blend.
The scent of Him sank into my spirit to capture me fully.
His hand gripped my neck with all the strength He had.
In a quiet rumble, tucked away from the world for a moment.
M gave me His promise with the strongest of words.
And He brought me as always to my knees.

You're Mine.
You Belong to Me.
And I Am Never.
Letting.
You.
Go.
Do you understand?

His grip shook me slightly as He waited.
Tears flooded and bled into those dark curly strands that caressed my cheek.
My submission plunged to new depths and I trembled.
Surrounded by Him I fell further in love.
With this Man that I adore beyond words.
On a broken gasp, I answered My Owner the only way I could.
Yes, Sir.
Yes, I understand.
Sealing my fate even further.
My soul more exposed than ever.

Here.
This.
Now.
Curled into His chest.
Utterly vulnerable.
Cherished and protected.
My place.
Within His arms.
My destiny.
I am and forevermore M's.
His love.
His pet.
His.
~DominaKat

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Penance and Absolution

I wasn't...right.

I could feel the offness of me.
An undeniable call toward an unfamiliar desire.

I couldn't sleep.
My sex cold.
Yet hot skin vibrated.

Need coursed.
Through trembling veins.
Sprung of an aching soul.

There...a tug at that door I kept closed.
Fuck...understanding bloomed.
And knocked me to my knees in shame.
I craved merciless and overwhelming wrath.

My frantic mind longed.
For the silent serenity of my echoing screams.
My tender heart begged
For the sweet bliss of violent cruelty.

I needed to hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt HURT.
Harsh slaps, hair wrenching, groping grabs, and punishing shoves.
I was desperate to wallow helplessly bound in the darkest of darkness.
Where I truly abandoned all control, reason, and sanity.
And gave in to...You.

I wanted to be destroyed at Your fists.
Broken and shattered at Your feet.
A tear stained, bruised mass.
Mindless in the purity of fear and pain.

I hungered for Your most sadistic punishment.
So I could surrender my pain, sorrow, and fear.
To Your ultimate Domination.
I sought to sate You with the deepest of sacrifices.

To sob beg cringe moan bruise plead and bleed for You.
To make amends and offer willing humiliation and agony.
I would have gratefully welcomed Your vicious torment.

I was lost in the haze.
Held hostage that night by my need.
For my submission to be ripped from my soul.

I needed You, M.
Your Beast without restraint.

My penance.
Your absolution.

That's all I craved.
~DominaKat

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Business as Usual - Part 1

The corporate executive.  Calm, cool, and focused.  My mind hummed as I played with the puzzles of business and laid out tomorrow's presentation to the client's board of directors.  "We'll maximize the return on the investment.  It's an integrated plan to leverage our assets and resources."  Experience left me confident and in control as I spent the day directing my teams, wooing potential clients, and coordinating projects.  No hint surfaced of the dark personal life I led outside of the office.  My co-workers, clients, and staff saw only the strong, competent, yet oddly unique woman who was polite, determined, and calmly efficient - in charge of her projects and team.

When my day was over and the last calls made, I left that world behind.  And I returned to Him.

The crisp, professional business woman I am during the day came through the door with her briefcase and files, wrapping up the last of my calls.  He was already there.  I sighed silently always relieved to feel His presence close.   He looked up from the mail, and His gaze dragged over me from head to toe.  A pressed, fitted, button-down grey blouse toned down my heavy tits and hid ring-pierced fat nipples.  A conservative straight skirt semi-masked a fat ass and thick thighs.  Nude nylons played down my long legs.  Traditional black unadorned pumps purposely mislead the casual observer.  Though M was never a casual observer when it came to me.  He placed the mail on the counter and walked toward me as I rattled off further instructions for tomorrow's project meeting.

I smiled warmly in greeting and patiently answered my young assistant's question.  His gaze met mine.  I watched as He searched my face for something.  His hand grazed my jaw, and a tickle of warmth bloomed under my skin in the wake of His touch.  I stumbled a tad and refocused, trying to finish my thought.  Without warning, His hand firmly squeezed my throat cutting off my words.  My eyes snapped to His.  There I found His darkness brewing in Him.  Slowly He stepped me backwards to the door, I'd just closed.  My assistant's voice buzzed between us.  "Are you there?  Did I loose you?  Damn elevators... Hello?"  M reached up and took the phone from my hand, pressing "End" and powering down without a care.

"You're mine now."  He looked into my eyes.  "Understood?"  I nodded, unable to speak as I gasped for air.  "Very good."  His grip relented, and I frantically sucked in much needed oxygen.  "You had a productive day?"

I took one more cleansing breath and began to shift my weight from the door, "Yes, tomorrow's meet...." A harsh slap met my cheek.

"I said, 'You're mine now, pet."  His hand brushed my cheek and eased the sting before dropping again to His side.  "I didn't say move," he calmly explained. "And I've decided right now I could care less about your office or your meeting.  You've been planning for months and you said last night everything was ready, correct?"  I nodded.  "Good," he continued with a darkening glaze, "Now I want to play with my fucking dog."  I whimpered and closed my eyes as heat snaked rapidly through my veins.  With a dark whisper, he began my controlled descent toward the darkness we both coveted.  "Raise your arms above your head, pet."

I obeyed.  The cool, calm business woman dismissed without question from my mind.  His gaze raked over my body in assessment.  "Lush bitch.  They don't even have a clue what a slut you are for me, do they?"

"No, Sir," I breathed.

His hands seized hold of my tingling breasts.  I gasped and arched into His touch.  "And such a fucking eager slut."  His fingertips ground into the soft mounds.  I moaned, so grateful to feel His demanding touch.  He released them and with a tug tore my blouse apart.  Buttons shattered at His will.  I groaned uncaring.  I loved His greed for me.  His fingers pinched the center snap of my bra and suddenly my tits were blessedly free.  The cool air teased them.  I whimpered at the sudden transition.  My nipples beaded instantly in need, begging for Him.  "Mmmmm...the lush curves of my fucktoy." Patiently He slapped at the undersides of each breast causing them to bounce for His entertainment. Again and again.  Each assault harsher than the last.  I tried to remain still, but soon I began to jump then whither with the raps of His knuckles.  I could feel the juices begin to slip through the folds of my cunt.   Soon my breasts were flushed, and I was panting.

"Do I have your complete attention now?"  I nodded quickly.  "Good"  With His thumbs and forefingers His attention focused on my plump nipples and their rings.  I moaned quietly, conscious of the door behind me.  He pressed Himself into me letting me feel His thickening dick.  My womb responded instinctively seeking completion.  Gentle kisses trailed across my cheek and neck leaving me so sweetly unbalanced following the pain of moments ago.  

I whimpered, "M..." A slap to the bulging flesh of one breast as he continued to drag His lips across my skin.

"Shut the fuck up, pet," He whispered between more tender little kisses.  I whimpered at the delicious dominance, and tears threatened at the razor sharp contrasts of light and dark that He intentionally laid over me.  My fists clenched above my head overriding my inherent urge to wrap my arms around Him.  His hands stroked the outside of my thighs.  He began to gather my skirt.  Inch by inch he raised the hem.  Once the full length was in His fists He pushed the conservative black material to my waist.  I flushed in embarrassment at the boring nude pantyhose covering my body.  "There now," He cooed to His pet.  "Spread those sweet thighs, you thick whore."

I shuffled my feet and dutifully opened my thighs.  I bowed my head and closed my eyes feeling ashamed to be caught in such boring underthings that were never meant to seduce my Owner like I should.  "You'd be the perfect little corporate executive if you'd been wearing panties," His fingers teased the dampening seam of my pantyhose.  "Hmmmm...such a nice juicy piece of meat,"  He hummed as He kissed my ear.   "All day, just begging to be fucked and beat beneath that proper skirt and blouse, weren't you?"

I whimpered softly, acknowledging the truth between us.  "Yes, Sir."

"I can smell your lust, pet. How badly you ache for me."  Another dark hum sent shivers down my spine.  "It makes me fucking hungry."

My hips began to instinctively grind against His torturous teasing.  Ever His whore, I sought more.  He laughed at my obvious need.  "Such a horny little dog, aren't you?"  He rewarded my behavior with a violent slap between my legs that damn near made me cum without permission.  I bit my lip as tears leaked from my closed lids.  "Don't fucking move, bitch."  I raised my heavy lids as I felt Him step away.  I sucked in a jagged breath and tried not to succumb to the trembling that threatened my body.  I watched as M moved so calmly across the entry way and through the kitchen to the counter.  He turned back at me and smiled wickedly before pulling one of the sharp knives from the butcher block.

"Fuck..." I whispered in awe and some small trickle of fear.

His thumb caressed the blade as He calmly returned to me.  I watched transfixed.  No words could even form in my mind.  His empty hand took a hold of my jaw, and His confident intense gaze met my helpless stare.  "Don't move, pet.  Understood?"

"Yes, Sir." I breathed.

I felt the cool flat edge of the knife lay gently against my cheek.  Slowly He drew the blade down my neck and across my breasts.  His eyes never leaving His point of contact.  I tried not to breathe.  Down my abdomen I could feel the steel press against my skin threatening to leave a cut in its wake.  When the metal met the waistband of my pantyhose, M pulled it away.  "Very good girl.  Such an obedient dog."  I dragged in a desperate gulp of air just as He released my jaw to grasp at snug waistband of my pantyhose.  "Keep your back against the door, bitch."  He pulled the satiny material away from my skin, and I heard the knife slice through the material just above my mound.  My pussy trembled and a flood of dampness filled His cunt hole.  I could feel the blade moving closer and closer to my throbbing clit and heavy folds as the material gave way.

M knelt in front of spread thighs.  Carefully His slid the knife to rip the taut fabric and expose His meat.  I felt cool metal slip through my folds.  "Sir!" I whimpered feeling the impending explosion.  "Sir...please?!?  Oh god, M?!?"

He rose and assessed His work, ignoring my pleas.  I panted.  My body shook.  My thighs visibly trembled.  "You liked the knife. Didn't you, pet?"  I couldn't answer.  Tears simply fell  as I tried to grasp at my slipping control.  "I love seeing my property on fucking display."  I watched Him cooly observe my frantic need before His empty hand reached out to pull back my skin and expose my angry, needy clit.  His sadistic dark stare told me how dark He felt and that my Beast was raging.  "You want to cum, bitch?"

"Yes...PLEASE, SIR!!!"

When I felt the blade tickle my clit, I choked back my scream of raw need.  "Cum, my nasty little dog."  On command, my orgasm burst from me like a dam.  Juice splattered to the tile floor and across M's shoes.  Wave after wave ripped through me as I tried desperately not to move.  Suddenly He was pressed against my side, His face eye to eye with mine.  I no longer felt hard steel but His fingers as they tore through my folds and dug into His hot, sopping, pulsing hole.  "Again, bitch!" He growled.  He pounded into me forcing another violent messy orgasmic gush and another.  My hips rode His hand.  I growled.  I whimpered.  I gasped.  My ass banged against the door.  I didn't fucking care who heard.  I didn't care about a fucking thing.  I simply fucked my Owner's hand like a good dog and came like the bitch in heat I was.
~DominaKat

Under Him

I fucking love when He holds me down.

It doesn't matter what mood we are in - light, silly and playful with my Daddy; my Owner feeling dark, dominant, and in absolute control; my vicious cruel Beast and His sweet wicked pain - when I am under him, held down in my place a certain fundamental part of me simply curls contentedly into place with a sigh of blissful peace.  Yes, this feels so fucking good.

Controlled.  Restrained.  Submission.  The weight of Him comforts me and makes me feel secure.  This.  This is where He wants me, needs me, craves me.  Under Him.  His heat washes over me.  That little bite of His hands on my forearms is an emotional and mental kiss of physical reassurance as the bruises bloom at His touch.

His.  Held down.  In my place.  Daddy plays and tickles His little girl to fits giggles and glee and sweet warm kisses.  My Owner's firm tug of the leash guiding His loyal, obedient pet toward her pure submission through pleasure so intense I helplessly cum on His command.  My dark sadistic Beast feasting on his willing victim's pleads, tears, and oh so cherished pain.  ~sigh~

Being held down is the most basic of D/s positions.  It never gets old.  It never gets boring.  It never fails to feed my submission.  I NEED those moments like I need air to breathe.  Laying in His bed, being under M this weekend...was sheer unquantifiable joy.  I live for those moments with Him.
~DominaKat

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Learning to Love Again with the Help of D/s

For a very long time and for numerous reasons, I was afraid to love.  I know I love hard and deep.  The few times I had even let myself go near that emotion, I had been burned badly.  To be so vulnerable that someone could hurt me deeply and leave another scar on my battered soul was not something I was willing to risk.  I deliberately allowed very, very few people close to me and chose to keep people and the very few sexual partners I engaged with at a distance.  My last relationship from the beginning had always had boundaries.  That's how I chose to structure things.  In fact he was never welcome at my home even though we were involved for two years.  We met on neutral territory only.  That mental and emotional distance kept me safer.

When that relationship ended, and I began to get REAL honest with myself as part of my journey with BDSM, I finally admitted to myself that I was at a point where the pain and emptiness of that life was greater than my fear of true intimacy.  In my soul I longed to be owned fully.  Truly.  Completely.  To one I could proudly submit myself to.  Because of that bone-deep ache and longing to belong, I finally found the courage to look for and expect something real and meaningful.

I was so very blessed to find M.  But even after M and I began to unravel the puzzle of one another and build our D/s dynamic, I had to be very intentional in opening myself up to Him completely.  Emotionally He would leave me shaking even before we ever met.  He scared the shit out of me!!!! lol  I could see and feel our potential - everything we could be - but the fear of vulnerability still stalked me.  At times I had to fight the sheer instinct to close myself up tight and not withdraw.  I had to be brave enough to reach for the beautiful possibilities with Him and not cling to my fear.

Our growing D/s dynamic helped me so very much.  First was the depth of communication that enabled us to slowly build a strong foundation of mutual trust, respect, patience (His patience more than mine) and the abundance of love and caring.  On one level I fought my fear with the logic of all of those building blocks.  I could see and feel the evidence of all of those things from Him and between us.  On another level I simply lead with my soul and the faith in what we could be and what I felt with Him.  I can't really explain it. But I needed the strength of His Dominance to feel safe enough to submit and let myself love. I need His absolute need/desire to Own me to feel like I belonged and that it was safe enough to allow myself to be vulnerable. When the emotional and mental D/s leash is tight...I'm comforted and feel secure to be at my most vulnerable and submissive.  To open up and let Him have every bit of me.

All my life, I knew I needed someone to demand just the right way that I open up my heart and soul.  I couldn't explain and honestly, I never wanted to explain.  If they didn't have what it took - if it wasn't instinctual - there was no possibility they would ever be able to reach deep inside me and to tame my soul.  With M, He knew what I needed and found in me what He longed to possess.  Now I am His loyal, cherished pet.  Together we found magic, and I found the strength and courage to love that wonderful Man like He deserves.  I can't lie though.  Occasionally, there are still whispers of that fear of vulnerability, but with M's help I continue to destroy those last remnants.

Building a good, healthy D/s relationship with M has forced my fears and insecurities closer to the surface for us to resolve.  It has required a raw truth with one another and myself in order to maximize the D/s potential between us.  It's not simply about the kinky sexual darkness we practice.  The mental and emotional aspects of our D/s very much go soul deep and expose all - good and bad - to each other, but that depth of intimacy is truly, truly exquisite.  :-)
~DominaKat

Sunday, September 22, 2013

My Submission Is...


My submission is...

A choice.
An instinct.
A gift.
A treasure.

A fragile flower.
That blooms when nurtured.
A wild irrepressible fire.
Only He can stoke.

My submission is...

Patience.
Intention.
Letting go.
Freedom.

The place at His feet.
I thought I'd never find.
His right.
To do as He pleases.

My submission is...

Fierce.
Absolute.
Fragile.
Always His.

The ultimate in vulnerability.
My strength and courage.
A flame that longs to burn bright and hot.
My only answer.

My submission is...

Obedience.
Trust.
Loyalty.
Faith.

A tide that ebbs and flows.
The seductive dance He leads.
A wave He can push at whim to flood my soul.
The essence of all that is me.
~DominaKat

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Beaten

Fuck.  He'd never so thoroughly destroyed me.  

When He clasped the back of my neck, I almost dropped everything in my hands.  Lust swam through my viens and made me dizzy with need.  His orders were simple and to the point.

Stripped.  Naked.  Obedient.  My hands against the wall.  My ass arched to receive.  He harshly grabbed and kneaded my heavy breasts.  He pinched my nipples until I whimpered at the hot pain that lanced my mind.  He would not be gentle tonight.  He would not be easy.  I didn't want either.  I needed His darkness.

My legs spread.  My cunt beginning to drip.  He raked His long fingers through my heavy folds and plunged into His fuckhole.  His.  Completely fucking His.  I no longer could find the pleasure I once knew in myself.  My cunt was His property and responded only to Him.  As His fingers dug inside me my body responded to its Owner's demand.  Slick wet heat that I could no longer inspire when I touched myself flowed effortlessly for Him.  It lubricated my hole and coated His probing fingers.  He forced me to my first orgasm.  Demanded it.  My body gave.

I wonder how he felt knowing only He could inspire such lust and need?  Did it please Him how well fucking trained I was?  Did my body's instinctual response sate some dark primitive need in His soul?

With my first minor orgasm out of the way, He moved on to the main course.  I didn't know what He had planned.  I never do.  I simply hold on and follow His lead.  That night, He unleashed on me a blessed torrent of sweet dark pain that seemed endless.  He gave me no mercy and intentionally drove me with a relentlessness I wasn't expecting.  I don't remember the order He used His tools.  I don't remember how long.  I simply endured the beautiful misery that only a sadist and masochist can understand.

He beat me.  My ass.  My thighs.  My back.  Again and again.  The flogger licked my skin in hot vicious bites.  That fucking spatula broke across my body in a burst of fire.  His belt wailed across me.  His firm hand pounded at me.  I held still obediently.  I naughtily shied away from some of the pain.  I was a greedy pet and arched higher, again and again begging with my fat ass for more of His dark cruelty.  I was a damn mess bouncing between controlled submission and unrestrained fear and need of more.  I didn't know from one moment to the next what was coming or how I would respond.  I surrendered to the feeling of being wanted.  I gave in to our darkness.

How did it feel to unleash on me?  What did He think as His pet whimpered and cried out?  What did He feel as He watched me jump away from the pain and then helplessly seek out more?  What must He feel to know how fucking much I needed Him?

And I came.  I don't remember when or how often.  He drove into me intermittently and crudely forced His meat to take His entry.  All I do clearly remember is the repetitive sound of my gushing releases pouring onto the floor and pooling between my spread feet.  At times simply the overwhelming pleasure of pain pushed me over the edge.  Other times it was the intimacy and pressure of Him in my hole where I could not in any way hide my desire.  My thighs were splashed with my juice as I bent my knees and ground out my hot lust like a dog.  The streams of cum seemed endless.  I vaguely remember His dark satisfaction that I came for Him like a fucking slut.  I was humiliated to be so transparent.  I also didn't give a fuck.  I just wanted more.  More.  More.

Of Him.  Of This.  Of Us.

He gave.  The pain.  The pleasure.  I took.  I would have stood there forever and devoured ever drop of darkness He fed me.  He knew before I did where He was taking me.  Closer and closer He moved toward me even as He continued to torment me.  He was at my side.  The beating became more intimate.  Soon He was holding me up as He wrung the last cries of sweet pain from His exhausted pet.  I shook viciously.  The sheer relief in my soul broke me, and I clung to Him as tears streamed down my face.

Did He understand how much I loved and trusted Him?  Did He see how very vulnerable and helpless I am to Him?  Did He know that only He sates my mind, body, and soul?

All that happened after...I can not bring myself to share.  Those moments are too intimate, too sweet, too private.  He did things no one had ever done or even thought to do.  The tenderness and loving care He gave me that night will forever be a part of my soul that I will never relinquish.

Every moment I share with M, he ruins me further.  Our light.  Our dark.  Those beautiful strands surround and protect us.  They bind us together, and together we find our harmony.
~DominaKat