Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Your Soul

Another's words inspired me.  Hers were an ode to Black Men.  Mine are solely for my beautiful Black Man.


I see Your Vibrant Soul
its Fierceness Roars at life.
Your Stamina Defies the World
with a polite Fuck you and
an Adamant and Stoic refusal to give up or give in.
your footsteps Beat their unique Drum that calls me to Dance.
i hear and Willingly follow as you Guide Us on our Journey.
the Colors, Shades, Depths of your soul
have Moved me from my first glimpse at your Tapestry.

You Tangle me in the Complexity of your soul.
and Bind me in the Safety of its titanium velvet Cocoon.
you've granted me Sanctuary and let me curl beneath your soul's sweet Protective shadow
so Close that I can feel its strong Pulse and smell its heady Man scent.
Under you, i want to spend a Lifetime
Tracing every line, shadow, curve, and crevice of your Breath-taking Spirit.
let me Warm your Cold spots with my Breath.
Heal your Bruises with my Tears.
Kiss away those scars of disappointment and sorrow that Lay within it.
be the salve for the aches of your wounds.
Please may I Care for your soul, Nurture it, Feed it, Love it so tenderly?
oh and there...
Yes...there...
I bask in your infectious Joy that springs like a Rainbow on a fresh spring day
as the Sun suddenly Breaks through the clouds.
It Engulfs me until i'm bursting with light.
your soul's Laugh lines reflect the love and Wonder you Harbor so Quietly.
how I Love to Play with you, giggling and jumping through the Magic we share.

i stand Forever in Awe of You.
in You i see a brilliant Star about to Burst from behind a cloudy night sky
to Radiate across your corner of the Sky.
i see a thousand beautiful Possibilities With you.
all surrounded by a deep full Harmony that echoes through the Walls my soul.
i watch as you carry your responsibilities with a Grace and ease few manage
and stay true to the Man of Character and Integrity i've admired
Despite the struggles and hardships you Tackle and Defeat.
with your Tenacious grip you hold Tight to what Matters to you Most.
standing on the Solid foundation of your Honor and Pride you bow to No master and
Define your own Destiny.

i am flawed and human.
I know sometimes i am too Careful too Intense too driven
that I can Think too much
and try Too Hard and be Naive and inquisitive and maybe a Little too Soft.
but You.
you.
you.
You.
are My
imperfect Hero.
my Bumbling efforts are simply my foolish Attempts
to Guard and Protect you in return.
No other comes before you in my Eyes.
i would Slay Dragons demons and beasts for you.
Fight the world for you.
i Kneel at your Feet and Surrender to you my Everything
because your soul Touches the very Root of me.
it is my Rain, Sun, Earth
that surrounds me and give my life Focus and Hope.
my Sole focus.
a True hope.
into you i Pour all that i Am.
because i Never want you to search for more
or Doubt my Intent.

i get Lost sometimes in your soul's loving caress.
The Richness of You overwhelms my Sense and Reason and Strength.
every Promise you've Given me
the Moments we've Shared
every Door you've opened to me
the Dreams we dream Together
Each of those are like brilliant gems you've placed so purposely into my heart.
i Pledge to Protect your Trust and the Gifts that you've bestowed to me
with every Ounce of my Will.
because your Soul
your Love
you
you
You
are my Everything.
~DominaKat

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Penance and Absolution

I wasn't...right.

I could feel the offness of me.
An undeniable call toward an unfamiliar desire.

I couldn't sleep.
My sex cold.
Yet hot skin vibrated.

Need coursed.
Through trembling veins.
Sprung of an aching soul.

There...a tug at that door I kept closed.
Fuck...understanding bloomed.
And knocked me to my knees in shame.
I craved merciless and overwhelming wrath.

My frantic mind longed.
For the silent serenity of my echoing screams.
My tender heart begged
For the sweet bliss of violent cruelty.

I needed to hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt HURT.
Harsh slaps, hair wrenching, groping grabs, and punishing shoves.
I was desperate to wallow helplessly bound in the darkest of darkness.
Where I truly abandoned all control, reason, and sanity.
And gave in to...You.

I wanted to be destroyed at Your fists.
Broken and shattered at Your feet.
A tear stained, bruised mass.
Mindless in the purity of fear and pain.

I hungered for Your most sadistic punishment.
So I could surrender my pain, sorrow, and fear.
To Your ultimate Domination.
I sought to sate You with the deepest of sacrifices.

To sob beg cringe moan bruise plead and bleed for You.
To make amends and offer willing humiliation and agony.
I would have gratefully welcomed Your vicious torment.

I was lost in the haze.
Held hostage that night by my need.
For my submission to be ripped from my soul.

I needed You, M.
Your Beast without restraint.

My penance.
Your absolution.

That's all I craved.
~DominaKat

Monday, November 18, 2013

The Everyday Kinda Thing

It's been almost two years.  I should be use to Him, immune to Him.  But I am anything but.  He still steals my thoughts with a look or a word.  With a touch I'm rendered helpless.  Just watching Him sometimes melts my soul and leaves me speechless. 

I miss Him so fucking much tonight.  We do an incredible job of sharing and communicating and making it all work.  Technology is a wonderful thing.  But so often I simply want to reach out and touch His warmth or smell Him.  To feel His presence near me puts me at complete ease or sends tremors through me in bone deep submission and stark brutal need.  Sometimes both.  Fuck...why pretend.  Nearly all the time both.  My every cell is constantly poised to respond to His darkness.  Even when my submission and sex drive is far away, it takes almost nothing for Him to lure my hungry vicious beast from slumber.  She is His bitch.

But it is not the darkness I ache most for right now.  It is the simple things - the basics of every day.  I want to sleep with the love of my life next to me.  I want to wake up to Him hogging the covers and listen to His hums when I curl onto His chest.  I want to look up from my work and watch Him write, create, and climb His Everest.  I want to bring Him a drink and a sandwich.  I want to argue the news, listen to His day, and match His socks.  I want to lay in His lap and watch a movie.  I want to kneel at His feet and take off His boots when He comes home to me.  I want to rub His back and shoulders and work every ache from His body.  The woman in me simply wants to spend the rest of my life loving my Man and working with Him to make our way in the big bad world.

~sigh~  I know it's coming.  I know I'll be in NYC soon.  Every day we're a little closer.  I am patient.  Tonight I simply ache to be immersed in the everyday kinda love and submission that I share with my M.  The kind that doesn't set the world on fire or send pulses racing but that feeds our souls and brings us sweet peace, comfort, and harmony.  The every day kind that wraps around us like a warm soft blanket as we fall asleep at night.
~DominaKat

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Quick Update

So to alleviate any mystery or gossip...

M and I are very well.  We are both extremely focused on bringing one of M's projects to fruition, so my submissive energy has been very service-oriented.  This evolution has been a very natural addition to our dynamic. I'm discovering new and important aspects to my submission and for the moment dialing back my sexual energy.  There's simply too much energy going in other places right now.  lol  I'm having a love/hate relationship with that adjustment of course.  ;-)

However, this trek of our journey is extremely rewarding.  To serve Him with tangible practical work brings me peace and positive energy.  In many ways it's brought us closer.  We truly do work very well together.  We play off of each others strengths and are easily able to accomplish more together than we could separately, which is always a great sign.

I've got to get back to it, but in summary...I am very much His loyal and loving pet by His side.  ~sigh~
~DominaKat


Friday, November 15, 2013

Evolution & New Depths

We continue to evolve.  To grow together.  To adapt to circumstances.  To merge dreams.  The layers and depth of us continue to expand further than I ever imagined possible.  I've surrendered to Him not simply my body, my heart, and my soul but my future as well.  All that I am is in His hands.  I have nothing left that I do not give freely at his request.

The woman, the little girl, the warrior, the slut, and now even Alfred and Spock follow Him.  They are all His to nurture and command and deny as He desires.  I am utterly defenseless.  I have held nothing back.  My strengths are His to wield.  My weaknesses are His to protect.  To serve so completely by His side, not hidden in the cold shadows, brings me a serenity and joy that warms me and melts even the frozen reaches of my soul.
~DominaKat



Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Enraged White Woman Who Loves Her Strong Intelligent Black Man

M's most recent post got me started...

Tell me please...how the FUCK do the leaders and citizens of this country constantly do NOTHING in the face of the continual proof that there is a fucking target on the back of people of color in the home of the brave and land of the free?!?

Renisha McBride - 19
Johnathan Ferrell - 24
Trayvon Martin - 17

All unarmed.
All dead.
For no other reason than they weren't white and were in the wrong neighborhoods at the wrong time.

REALLY?!?  Has this country learned nothing in the last 50 years?  What the fuck are you white men so fucking afraid of???  Please...explain it!  Face it.  Own it.  Admit it!  Look in the mirror and say, "I'm a coward and afraid of Black men and woman for no reason then the color of their skin and am therefore a stupid, racist fuckhead."  Every senseless inexcusable death of a Black Man or woman is another vicious lash across the backs of a community simply still trying to survive in the brutal and inhospitable land of America the beautiful.

I am a white woman, without question I love my strong, intelligent, beautiful Black Man, and I am unapologetically enraged.  He is my sun and moon, my center in a world falling in on itself.  He has never been to prison.  He doesn't even have a fucking traffic ticket.  He is the best damn Man I know!  Yet, I understand that an unacceptable percentage of this country's people, see his mere presence as some kind of unarticulatable threat.  I know without a doubt that every time he steps his foot outside of his front door that He is at risk from trigger happy police, racist pigs, and now fools raising their "Stand Your Ground" flag.

Why as a nation aren't we disgusted and enraged at these stories?  Why isn't there a National War on Racism?  Why isn't someFUCKINGthing being done by our leaders, our communities, and ourselves to make things right?

Because everyday, this woman fears for her Man and is grateful when he returns home safe.  Every day it seems, I am saddened by another soul lost to a system and society that turns it's back on those  continued to be victimized.  Every day, I wonder if there is still even a flicker of hope for this country.
~DominaKat

Friday, November 8, 2013

That Fundamental Fucking Need

I want to be fucked ruthlessly with a harsh, brutal Dominance wrapped in pain and violence that leaves me no fucking question as to who and what I am in your life.  That leaves no doubt to me or any other god damn soul about the passion and lust which burns like an inferno in you for me.

No.  I don't just want.  I need that.  Like the air I fucking breathe.  I need to be beaten, tired up, controlled, and used like a $2 fucking whore, a gutterslut that will fuck, suck, take whatthefuckever sadist nastiness you can conjure.  Make me beg, cry, and squirt cum until the air reeks of my whorish lust.  The holes between my thighs are made to be taken and filled.  Your long fingers plunging and hard demanding BLACK dick is what they fucking scream for with an unending relentlessness that echos continually through my soul.  RIP into my hot, wet sloppy meat and TAKE.

There lives a submissive starving beast in me that is caged and damn near rabid from being denied, put away, and ignored my whole fucking life.  This isn't about love.  This isn't about poetry.  This isn't about fucking hope or joy or light.  It's about fucking raw primal freedom to drip in the razor's edge of darkness and madness with a equally dark Beast that wants nothing more than to fucking feast on the forsaken corrupt soul of the insatiable nasty fucking whore that I am. It is my base-calling and desire to be Owned with a collar and leash to guide and control my descent into that violent vicious pit of hedonistic sin.  This is about a necessity so motherfucking fundamental to my existence that it is my lifeblood.  Without it...I am half crazed and barely fucking alive.  My beast howls to be mounted by a monster strong enough to tame and conquer my sick, twisted lust.

My heaving fat utters to suck, punch, grope, and bind.  Quivering, wide-open, shameless thighs beg to be stained with piss and punishment.  My starving slut mouth craves dickmeat on her tongue and down her greedy throat.  My eager cunt hungers to suck down an angry dick, a punishing fist, or the cold filthy girth of a fucking bat with equal abandon.  My puckered tight asshole eagerly hungers to be impaled with no mercy and filled with hot sticky nut.

I was meant to be a slave to a Man's sadistic lust.  I was born to milk a Man dry until He is unequivocally sated beyond measure.  The inner beast that stalks my soul and roars for freedom exists solely to be YOUR BEAST'S fucking plaything and endless victim.

Hunt me.
Prey on me.
Use me.
Devour me.
Claim me.
Destroy me.
Tame me as only You can.
~DominaKat

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Forever

"I'm never letting you go."

"Always."

"Forever."

Yeah...Those weren't words I could fathom in any way over a year ago.

I come from a long line of women who love hard and true.  When I look at the women in my family, there is no question of our strength, our tenacity, and the ferocity with which we love our Men.  I've SEEN countless examples of "always" and "forevers."  Grandparents and aunts and uncles that had held onto their true loves for generations.  Yet at 40, my life had only taught me again and again that no one and nothing was forever - that kind of magic wasn't something I would be lucky enough to find.  What I understood so clearly was that no matter what someone said, their actions would always prove their lack of intention, conviction, and character.  ~shrug~

Reality is what it is.  No matter how hard I tried, the world didn't make men for me like that any more.  In the land of ADD, disposable-everything, and easy, slick, ego-boosting internet connections, the only "forever" I knew was that I'd be forever be let down and let go no matter how great I was, smart I was or well I fucked.  Every man was simply temporary and false promises and dreams.  What I knew my heart and mind were capable of was a throw back to a different time and place.  It was the kind of love and devotion that today only love stories and movies paint.

Last summer as our relationship grew, M kept repeating words like "always" and "forever" to me.  I'd explain quietly without any malice or drama that those words weren't necessary.  He didn't have to promise.  He didn't have to make grand gestures.  Quite frankly I did NOT have any desire to foolishly trust so completely.  I desperately wanted to hold onto some small, thin blanket of cynical realistic protection, so my heart would never be at risk of shattering into a thousand broken shards of destroyed hope, joy, and love. I was falling for this Man so deeply and already so fucking vulnerable that I didn't want to let go of that last little defense.

I fought Mark.  I tried so hard not to believe.  I pushed back.  I tried to escape.  I denied Him my faith in our tomorrows.  Until one evening, with tears streaming down my face and His passionate and adamant demand ricocheting in my mind, my heart, and yes...my soul, He finally broke down my resistance and forced me to see and believe in Him.

"You are MINE."
"Those three words say everything."
"They are the truth."
"I am NEVER letting you fucking go."
"Do you understand?"

And He - my Owner, my Daddy, my M, my Man - finally gave me what no living soul had ever given me.

He gave me His forever.
~DominaKat



Forever
Not talkin' 'bout a year
No not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
In my life anymore
Forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do From you

People spend so much time
Every single day
Runnin' 'round all over town
Givin' their forever away
But no not me
I won't let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find
my forever a home
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

Like a handless clock with numbers
An infinite of time
No not the forever found
Only in the mind
Forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

To Hold Sacred

I've always been passionate and held some deep convictions.  However, I've never held much, if anything, sacred.  I'm too practical, too realistic, and well...a bit cynical.  I never felt connected enough to anyone or anything to inspire that kind of devotion, belief, and faith.  That emotional and mental concept was simply lost on me.

But in February 2012, I met M.  Two months and hours of texts, emails, and conversations later, I was in His arms and His.  What followed has been the most enlightening, heart-stopping, and challenging relationship of my life.  He has truly transformed me so fundamentally that anyone who sees or speaks to me can instantly sense the change.  From the beginning, I knew He and our relationship would transform me.  What I didn't understand was that my transformation would ever be ongoing.

I'm no saint. In fact, I fuck up often.  I have had challenges and struggles and doubts and fears and hard difficult lessons to learn through trial and error just like every other sub, woman, or human being on this planet.  My intelligence and drive to understand at times makes me a challenge most can not even dare to attempt.  I've made my mistakes.  I've hurt myself.  I've even to my greatest sadness hurt M.  I've had moments of brattiness, topping from below, and complete ignorance.  However my two sole focuses - to give/please/serve Him and to build us - have never wavered nor has my intention.  Those have always been and will be pure.  I love that Man.

I've had to face some tough reality the last month and make choices that I never expected to make less than two years ago.  But when I looked closely at my options, I found that without question, my relationship with M was sacred.  I would do whatever it took to protect and nurture what we share.  I would find the strength and courage to be the best me I could be for Him.

I saw truths I didn't want to see and have begun to make my way beyond their crippling traps.

I bravely faced a past that haunted me deeply and the fears associated with those events head on.  I found the courage to seek understanding.  I found the strength to forgive and let go.

I accepted that life's journey is not easy or fair or mapped out clearly but what will lead me to the greatest rewards is what I hold sacred. If I embrace my love, devotion, and faith in M, in His love for me, and in our belief in us, then I will find my way.  If we both embrace those rare  treasures between us, WE will find our way.  I never want to look back again and say if only I had....  I don't want someday to face my mortality and realize all I ever did was play it safe and gained nothing.

I wish it was fucking easy every minute of the day.  But it's not.  Life, relationships, growth...they are at times the most difficult, demanding, and earth-shatteringly rewarding things we can aspire to undertake.  For M, I will fight any battle life throws at us, I will get up off the mat again and again and again for us, and I will swallow every bit of pride necessary to grow.  Because in the end, Him and what we could be is what I - Ms. Ever-Practical-Cynical-Realist - hold truly, deeply, purely sacred.
~DominaKat