There are moments when I am nearly undone. With needs and emotions so strong, I am suddenly overwhelmed. lol Considering tears now streak down my cheeks, "undone" likely doesn't capture it. I'm braced and strong against the obvious. I don't and won't let those things get to me. For example, if I need to cum...well, there's friendly lil BOB to help me get myself there and take off the edge. No, it's the tiny fucking shreds that catch me off guard, slam open the door, and expose the deep sliver of emptiness that I can't seem to fill with the rest of life. Well...that damn gaping hole just brings me to my knees. Augh!
Then I dry my eyes. I catch my breath. And I accept the pain. There's no denying it. I can't push it away. I have to process it and absorb it. Most of the time it's locked quietly behind the door deep behind my masks. Right now, all the lights are on, and I'm faced with that stark, hollow chasm. Yep...there it is. It sucks. lol A deep breath. I can't change the past, and I can't set the future. Here and now is what I have. I remind myself that while I could go out and temporarily distract myself with silliness, that silliness lacks substance and could never fulfill my needs.
So now I turn my back, shut off the lights, and once again lock the door. There's nothing to do but be patient. For more. For something real. For that beautiful, mysterious connection that's so worth the wait.
~DominaKat
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