A slut can't help herself.
She craves it.
Wants it.
Needs it.
All.
His hands touching her.
His mouth devouring her.
His mind tormenting her.
His dick plowing into her.
Her lust is insatiable.
Her body a willing vessel.
She opens her hot wet mouth to pleasure.
She spreads her warm thighs in welcome.
A slut's destiny.
Is her Beast.
Take her hard.
Use her brutally.
Hurt her without mercy.
Destroy her and set her free.
Give her all.
Unrestrained passion.
Consuming pain.
Broken tears.
Strong bonds.
She knows no other fate.
But the raping and use of her holes.
The sweet violent release of orgasm.
By the only One who is strong enough to tame her.
A slut's destiny.
Is her beast.
A wild temptress.
Mindless in her ecstasy.
A hungry animal long buried inside her.
Searching to be claimed.
Take it all.
Her strong mind.
Her pliant giving body.
Her tender heart.
Her endless soul.
Forever in heat.
Waiting for fulfillment.
To be forced to surrender.
Everything.
A slut's destiny.
Is submission to her Beast.
~DominaKat
Monday, December 31, 2012
One of My Challenges
I put my Man first. Not because I'm His sub/slave/pet, but because that is simply how I'm wired. It's in my DNA. My primary "rule" doesn't have shit to do with BDSM. I was like this even with my long ago first love. However my loyalty and service heart do make BDSM a natural fit and not just a game I fake my way through or a role I pretend to embrace.
I'm not at all new to BDSM concepts and theory. However, I AM new to the application of BDSM since M is the first Man to ever have the strength, intelligence, focus, and intention to dominate me. I've learned so much in the last 10 months, and I'm still learning. I like to think I'm pretty adept at picking up on what I need to do or what is expected of me. Yet occasionally I stumble and can't quite "get" it.
I confess...I stumble because I actually think. Again...another thing that is simply in my DNA. I can't help it. I'm not a stupid helpless lamb mewing in the corner. I'm a smart, loyal lioness on M's leash. Some guys and weak doms may consider my intelligence and thought process a huge drawback, and maybe they have a point because for better or worse while I can usually take immediate instructions well I can't just work on mindless autopilot. I think about how x will effect y and impact my Daddy, how if a resulted before in b, then maybe doing c would be better for my Man. If I can't decide what's best, I ask questions and more questions. Until the process makes sense in my head, I struggle because I don't know with certainty how to apply what I'm learning correctly for my Dom's benefit. Is it complicated in my head at times? Fuck yes. Can I be kind of a handful for M? ~sigh~ Yeah. However, once I learn something well it sinks in deep, and in the long run - that makes me a damn good loyal submissive.
So the first of my current challenges...
Separating D/s from Sex:
I am an extremely sexual creature and for me damn near every emotion can lead to sexual activities in my book. If I'm stressed, I want to fuck. Angry? I want a vicious, punishing round. Sad? I want soft, slow, comforting loving. I'm happy...fun, playful naughtiness. I express my emotions sexually whenever I have the opportunity. It isn't enough for me to verbalize...I want to physically demonstrate my heart and soul with my Man. Before I go further, I should probably explain. I can just imagine the thoughts these words conjure, so...
- Yes...I do have plenty of non-sexual downtime.
- Yes...I am almost always a breath away from shifting to that sexual mental and physical space.
- No...I've never been a fucking whore/ho/skank/slut. In fact after my divorce I somehow went essentially 6 years without sex.
- 99.9999% of the population holds no sexual attraction to me despite my high sex drive. Stars practically have to align for me to want to be with someone. You could say I'm a very picky bitch.
- I am often labeled as "insatiable" which can either be a benefit or an...exhaustion. In fact, in previous relationships I've actually felt guilty a time or two for wanting to be sexual with my partner...for wanting too much.
- M is the only Man that has the ability to sexually sate my hungers. I can't explain how exactly he does it. I only know that afterwards...I curl up under Him and feel utter peace.
Now...back to the challenge. When I feel dominated and submissive with M, it immediately triggers a sexual response. While M and I may be long distance, our roles are still essentially 24/7 between us. So there are times when His dominance puts me in the mood for things that are neither practical nor appropriate for what we have in front of us. ~sigh~ At times, I have felt extremely self conscious of my high sex drive because I don't want to be a burden for M, especially when He's in the middle of something pulling Him in a completely different direction.
However, internally my signals are crossed. When I ask permissions (as I'm expected) I often mentally and physically associate the permission asking to sex. What has finally made sense and gotten through my thick skull is that things like orgasm control aren't tied to sex for M nor are they pushing my sexuality on Him, those acts are first and foremost an opportunity for Him to control His pet.
Between my high and quick responsiveness to M, things currently on our plates, and our slight geographic challenge, I have been tying myself up in knots about my sex drive. I absolutely do NOT want Him to feel like I'm too much. ~sigh~ I've been spinning this around in my head in so many ways trying to make things make sense, when all I needed to do was separate D/s from sex and focus on the comfort and security our roles provide us.
Now that I see it, I don't know how I kept missing it for so long. Augh. So simple.
~DominaKat
~DominaKat
Saturday Night Slut - Part I
It was a cool, fall night in the Village. I had dressed as M requested in my brown suede knee high boots, short, swishy brown skirt, and warm, clingy black turtle neck with a zippered front. My very presentable vanilla attire showing sass and style would have caused little stir. However M had refused to let me wear a bra and had tugged the zipper low. By heavy breasts jiggled with every step, every laugh, every move. My big aureolas kept peeking out of the gaping v. As we'd walked down the busy streets guys had stared often and nodded to M with approval. Every time it happened he'd laughed then blatantly groped my tits while calling me a slut no matter who was near. Heat would flush my body, but the next moment M would be right back to the conversation we'd been having then laugh again when I had to take a moment to regroup. I'd essentially been His yo-yo since we left to catch the train.
Once we sat down in the back booth for dinner I thought I might catch a break. I was sadly mistaken. M had ordered our drinks. Instead of my usual boring ice water, he'd requested a double vodka and cranberry for me. With my raised eyebrow, he with no qualms announced his intention. "I plan to get you drunk, pet. You'll be helpless and at my mercy within the next three hours. Eat light." A sliver of dread filled me. I hadn't ever been drunk with M. I'm not really much of a drinker. In fact it had been years since I'd let myself have too many and slip into silly, talkative, adventurous drunkness. As the drinks were set on the table, I gave in to the inevitable and trusted M as I did with everything. M's sadistic dark smirk accompanied his "to a very fun evening' toast. I showed my acceptance of His plans with a long drink and let the the first kick of alcohol give me that instant inner sigh. What would be would be.
After our dinner was ordered and a bit of banter, M raised His hand to my cheek to turn my face toward Him. "Look at me, pet." Seeing His dark hooded eyes, I realized His beast was hungry and eager to toy with me. "Lean back. I want to play with my property." My eyes never left His to scan any possible witnesses. I was only focused on pleasing Him. Luckily being in the back booth, the only patrons that might notice were three college guys drinking more beer and arguing football. I seriously doubted they would raise an alarm. I leaned back to dropped my arms to my sides. M's warm hand slid easily into my gaping top. They weren't kind. He cupped my tit and squeezed hard before playing so teasingly with my nipple ring. "Such lovely slutty tits. Tug down that zipper just a bit more, whore. Give the waiter and those horny boys something for their dicks to get hard about." My jittery hand lifted and obeyed, letting the v of my shirt widen enough for M to expose my hardened nipple. I could feel my face flush and pussy weep. My breathing became shallow. "So responsive you are. You'd let me do anything, wouldn't you." I bit my lip and nodded in surrender. M's hand left my chest leaving my breast on display. He reached in my drink to scoop an ice cube and brought it back to the nipple. I jerked at the frigid wetness. He only laughed. "Spread your legs."
"M..." I whimpered.
"Do it, cunt." My legs spread. "Pull up that skirt and let me see my meat." My fists gripped the edges and dragged at the material. He slowly slid the ice cube up my pale thighs before raising up to let cold drops fall to my hooded clit. I groaned. My hips started to grind in need. Another dark chuckle. "Such a filthy slut. Let's try to cool down that hole." His fingers proceeded to shove that frozen chunk through my tender folds and up into my hot wet cunt. "You're so hot it won't last a minute. Cover up, pet. Our waiter's not sure if he should leave our salads or stroke His dick."
~DominaKat
Once we sat down in the back booth for dinner I thought I might catch a break. I was sadly mistaken. M had ordered our drinks. Instead of my usual boring ice water, he'd requested a double vodka and cranberry for me. With my raised eyebrow, he with no qualms announced his intention. "I plan to get you drunk, pet. You'll be helpless and at my mercy within the next three hours. Eat light." A sliver of dread filled me. I hadn't ever been drunk with M. I'm not really much of a drinker. In fact it had been years since I'd let myself have too many and slip into silly, talkative, adventurous drunkness. As the drinks were set on the table, I gave in to the inevitable and trusted M as I did with everything. M's sadistic dark smirk accompanied his "to a very fun evening' toast. I showed my acceptance of His plans with a long drink and let the the first kick of alcohol give me that instant inner sigh. What would be would be.
After our dinner was ordered and a bit of banter, M raised His hand to my cheek to turn my face toward Him. "Look at me, pet." Seeing His dark hooded eyes, I realized His beast was hungry and eager to toy with me. "Lean back. I want to play with my property." My eyes never left His to scan any possible witnesses. I was only focused on pleasing Him. Luckily being in the back booth, the only patrons that might notice were three college guys drinking more beer and arguing football. I seriously doubted they would raise an alarm. I leaned back to dropped my arms to my sides. M's warm hand slid easily into my gaping top. They weren't kind. He cupped my tit and squeezed hard before playing so teasingly with my nipple ring. "Such lovely slutty tits. Tug down that zipper just a bit more, whore. Give the waiter and those horny boys something for their dicks to get hard about." My jittery hand lifted and obeyed, letting the v of my shirt widen enough for M to expose my hardened nipple. I could feel my face flush and pussy weep. My breathing became shallow. "So responsive you are. You'd let me do anything, wouldn't you." I bit my lip and nodded in surrender. M's hand left my chest leaving my breast on display. He reached in my drink to scoop an ice cube and brought it back to the nipple. I jerked at the frigid wetness. He only laughed. "Spread your legs."
"M..." I whimpered.
"Do it, cunt." My legs spread. "Pull up that skirt and let me see my meat." My fists gripped the edges and dragged at the material. He slowly slid the ice cube up my pale thighs before raising up to let cold drops fall to my hooded clit. I groaned. My hips started to grind in need. Another dark chuckle. "Such a filthy slut. Let's try to cool down that hole." His fingers proceeded to shove that frozen chunk through my tender folds and up into my hot wet cunt. "You're so hot it won't last a minute. Cover up, pet. Our waiter's not sure if he should leave our salads or stroke His dick."
~DominaKat
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Simple, Sweet Moments with Daddy
Every once and a while, I run across something that slips past my guard and tugs hard and quick at my heart. Last night I was watching a family movie with my mom when I felt that punch. In the scene the very vanilla completely dressed couple were simply getting into bed when the husband rolled her to her back and covered her with his body to kiss and nibble at her while they chatted. It may be a basic and common practice between couples, but that tender, loving moment squeezed the breath from me. I missed my Daddy so terribly I had to fight back tears.
The first night we were together, He held me tight for hours. It was like He was determined to make up for every night I'd spent alone for the last 10 years and every night I'd spent in misery the 10 years before that. He slowly and firmly stroked my body, not to seduce me to open my thighs but to open my heart. I'd never before felt so wanted, cherished, and loved. I'm not sure if He felt it, but I remember how I trembled in his arms. I was afraid of that tenderness even as with each touch I discovered how starved I was for affection. Daddy fed me that night and the next and every night we've spent together since, knowing more than I how much I need the simple and sweet side of love. My heart is in His hands as I've given it to Him without reservations.
Over the last year, Daddy and I have spent many long hours tucked under covers or in the nest. Those are some of my sweetest memories of 2012. Long slow deep kisses. Little kisses and cuddles. Petting and tight hugs. Quiet heartfelt whispers. Healing tears. Laughter and giggles. Sighs and whimpers. I simply adore being wrapped in M's heat, a delicious tangle of arms and legs. My memories of those simple, sweet moments with my Daddy warm me every night as I fall asleep.
I can't wait to add more memories in the coming year. ~sigh~
~DominaKat
The first night we were together, He held me tight for hours. It was like He was determined to make up for every night I'd spent alone for the last 10 years and every night I'd spent in misery the 10 years before that. He slowly and firmly stroked my body, not to seduce me to open my thighs but to open my heart. I'd never before felt so wanted, cherished, and loved. I'm not sure if He felt it, but I remember how I trembled in his arms. I was afraid of that tenderness even as with each touch I discovered how starved I was for affection. Daddy fed me that night and the next and every night we've spent together since, knowing more than I how much I need the simple and sweet side of love. My heart is in His hands as I've given it to Him without reservations.
Over the last year, Daddy and I have spent many long hours tucked under covers or in the nest. Those are some of my sweetest memories of 2012. Long slow deep kisses. Little kisses and cuddles. Petting and tight hugs. Quiet heartfelt whispers. Healing tears. Laughter and giggles. Sighs and whimpers. I simply adore being wrapped in M's heat, a delicious tangle of arms and legs. My memories of those simple, sweet moments with my Daddy warm me every night as I fall asleep.
I can't wait to add more memories in the coming year. ~sigh~
~DominaKat
Friday, December 28, 2012
A Bad Girl, Anyway
Cranky. Horny. Hungry. Fussy. Slutty. I need to gorge in sin. ~sigh~
I needed some sassy theme music today, and Madonna is always a kinky slut, so...
Or don't, since I can't change. How about just feed me more?
~DominaKat
I needed some sassy theme music today, and Madonna is always a kinky slut, so...
It's so hypnotic
The way he pulls on me
It's like the force of gravity
Right up under my feet
It's so erotic
This feeling can't be beat
It's coursing through my whole body
Feel the heat
....
I know, I know, I know
I shouldn't act this way
I know, I know, I know
Good girls don't misbehave
Misbehave
But I'm a bad girl, anyway
Forgive me
Or don't, since I can't change. How about just feed me more?
~DominaKat
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Then and Now
Cleaning out my inbox, I found words M had sent me at the end of March before we'd even met.
Nine months later those words are even truer, even more cemented into my soul.
I didn't expect him. I didn't expect such patience or loyalty or deep love. I expected what I'd always found. Carelessness. Lies. Distraction with the next piece of fresh meat. With every day we've found our way. We've basked in the laughter and passion. We've fought through the misunderstandings and challenges. It was only after we started to face the latter, and I found him just as committed and focused that I began to believe in His love for me.
That love...so strong and deep and true...has brought me to my knees and lifted me up to the heavens.
My sweet Daddy who nurtures and cherishes His babygirl.
My loyal tenacious M who respects and honors His woman.
My cruel sadistic bastard who torments His masochist.
My hungry passionate Beast that feeds from His victim.
My demanding Owner who protects His pet.
He is my dreamer, my idealist, my procrastinator. He pushes me. He holds me. He never fucking lets me go.
With Him...because of Him, I'm able to give more. I can be His soft spot. I can be His whore. I can be the silly sweet little girl teasing Him with goofy puppets in the store isle. I can be His bitch that organizes His projects. I can be the woman by His side whose hand he holds tightly as we walk down the street. I'm not His secret or His second choice.
I'm simply His.
No...a year ago, I never expected Him to even exist let alone walk into my life. I never expected to love again so fully, to be able to love again without holding back pieces of myself in reserve.
Yet here I am.
Thank you M.
And before you even ask...for being you. ~kiss~
~DominaKat
"I know you love me. I know you've fallen deeper and deeper every passing day. I know you crave my touch. I know you love my light and crave my dark."
Nine months later those words are even truer, even more cemented into my soul.
I didn't expect him. I didn't expect such patience or loyalty or deep love. I expected what I'd always found. Carelessness. Lies. Distraction with the next piece of fresh meat. With every day we've found our way. We've basked in the laughter and passion. We've fought through the misunderstandings and challenges. It was only after we started to face the latter, and I found him just as committed and focused that I began to believe in His love for me.
That love...so strong and deep and true...has brought me to my knees and lifted me up to the heavens.
My sweet Daddy who nurtures and cherishes His babygirl.
My loyal tenacious M who respects and honors His woman.
My cruel sadistic bastard who torments His masochist.
My hungry passionate Beast that feeds from His victim.
My demanding Owner who protects His pet.
He is my dreamer, my idealist, my procrastinator. He pushes me. He holds me. He never fucking lets me go.
With Him...because of Him, I'm able to give more. I can be His soft spot. I can be His whore. I can be the silly sweet little girl teasing Him with goofy puppets in the store isle. I can be His bitch that organizes His projects. I can be the woman by His side whose hand he holds tightly as we walk down the street. I'm not His secret or His second choice.
I'm simply His.
No...a year ago, I never expected Him to even exist let alone walk into my life. I never expected to love again so fully, to be able to love again without holding back pieces of myself in reserve.
Yet here I am.
Thank you M.
And before you even ask...for being you. ~kiss~
~DominaKat
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
The Sadistic Bastard and Filthy Whore
Slick with sweat.
Sticky thighs covered in my cum.
Tears stain my cheeks.
I beg for fucking more.
Bruises bloom.
Welts stripe.
The flush of sexual frenzy.
I am awash in His colors.
More.
Hurt me.
Yes, please...
I crave His sweet dark pain.
Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.
Bent over and holes open.
Ready for torment.
Hungry for abuse.
I am a shameless greedy slut.
His black dick tunnels deep.
Through my wet, white cunt.
The hot flesh parts and sucks on His hard shaft.
I groan in ecstasy as He feeds from me.
Driving into me brutally.
A hand chokes my throat.
Another digs at my tender swollen breasts.
I cum gushing on His tight nuts.
Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.
His hungry dick shifts to my ass.
He shoves that cruel head in my tight bud.
Each violent push rips deeper.
I scream as pain consumes me.
Harder.
Further.
Ruthless.
I surrender completely to our darkness.
My ass finally opens.
He rapes His hole with no mercy.
We growl in fevered hunger.
I am simply His mindless animal to rut in.
He pushes my head down.
He grips my hips painfully.
He roars as His cum pumps into me.
Fuck yes...I scream in orgasm as my cum falls.
Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.
He pulls out with a groan.
I spread my cheeks and wait like an obedient dog.
His hot tangy piss drowns His fuckholes.
I sigh in submission to His intimate marking.
A fist in my hair guides me.
My mouth swallows His glistening dick.
I lick clean our violent passion as I drip of Him.
Our flavor stains my soul.
He picks up my leash and walks back to the house.
I follow in a crawl across the yard.
Smiling as He tugs His pet to His side.
I bask in my place to my Beast.
Yes...
I am used.
By my sadistic bastard.
He took.
His filthy fucking whore.
~DominaKat
Sticky thighs covered in my cum.
Tears stain my cheeks.
I beg for fucking more.
Bruises bloom.
Welts stripe.
The flush of sexual frenzy.
I am awash in His colors.
More.
Hurt me.
Yes, please...
I crave His sweet dark pain.
Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.
Bent over and holes open.
Ready for torment.
Hungry for abuse.
I am a shameless greedy slut.
His black dick tunnels deep.
Through my wet, white cunt.
The hot flesh parts and sucks on His hard shaft.
I groan in ecstasy as He feeds from me.
Driving into me brutally.
A hand chokes my throat.
Another digs at my tender swollen breasts.
I cum gushing on His tight nuts.
Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.
His hungry dick shifts to my ass.
He shoves that cruel head in my tight bud.
Each violent push rips deeper.
I scream as pain consumes me.
Harder.
Further.
Ruthless.
I surrender completely to our darkness.
My ass finally opens.
He rapes His hole with no mercy.
We growl in fevered hunger.
I am simply His mindless animal to rut in.
He pushes my head down.
He grips my hips painfully.
He roars as His cum pumps into me.
Fuck yes...I scream in orgasm as my cum falls.
Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.
He pulls out with a groan.
I spread my cheeks and wait like an obedient dog.
His hot tangy piss drowns His fuckholes.
I sigh in submission to His intimate marking.
A fist in my hair guides me.
My mouth swallows His glistening dick.
I lick clean our violent passion as I drip of Him.
Our flavor stains my soul.
He picks up my leash and walks back to the house.
I follow in a crawl across the yard.
Smiling as He tugs His pet to His side.
I bask in my place to my Beast.
Yes...
I am used.
By my sadistic bastard.
He took.
His filthy fucking whore.
~DominaKat
Sunday, December 23, 2012
My Failure to Pay Gracefully
Three and a half beautiful days shared with M. His presence here is still sprinkled through the house. His glass. His shirt. The imprint on the pillows. The tangle of blankets on the couch. Little moments that remind me it wasn't a dream.
M gets to me so fucking deep. He fills me up with warmth and love and tenderness like no one else. That he chooses to come to me...means so damn much. It humbles me how thoroughly He takes care of me, nurtures me, protects me. Fuck...I've never had that kind of love. It simply undoes me. He loves me so hard and well. I've finally learned to let myself lean on my beautiful, amazing Daddy. I can't lie. I need Him. He's the sun that warms me and the air I breathe. I need His love, direction, encouragement, praise, approval... lol He's where I begin and end. My alpha and omega. When I wrote those words so many months ago, I had no idea how true they would become.
We said goodbye this morning. Letting go this time was so much harder. I didn't expect that. It just sort of snuck up on me. I can't at all claim that I've handled the last 11 hours well. His absence is like a vacuum. I was completely lost most of the day. I didn't know what to do with myself. We didn't have somewhere to go. I didn't have Him to love and serve. Honestly, as soon as I got back home from dropping Him off, I curled up in bed and fought my way through a storm of emotions I'm not yet use to. M's taught me how to feel again. Not just surface emotions, but the kind that rob you of breath and shake you at your core. Emotions that squeeze you and pull you painfully taut all at once. The cost of feeling that much and that deep is not a price I've learned to pay gracefully. I need to do a better job of that for M and for myself.
I've spent the last 20 years being so damn strong so that I wouldn't feel as much pain. With M prying open the door of my heart again, I sometimes get overwhelmed with the emotional storms because along with all of the beautiful, sweet feelings also come the riskier, scary kind. The latter beat my ass today. I hurt saying goodbye. I was sad at returning home alone. I feared facing my challenges without His strength surrounding me. I mourned losing His warm, laughing presence. There was more that I had to sift through as well. Old fears and insecurities that M had unintentionally brought to the surface that I still don't know how to mentally, emotionally or physically process. But it took me too many long hours today before I was finally able to see and articulate all of elements that went into my storm.
I need to be stronger and quicker than that. Babygirl had too much of a hold on me today with a woman's hurt helping to drive the chaos. ~sigh~ Now I know. I need to be more open with myself first and with M, so that things don't build up in me. I need to prepare myself better for the reality of our goodbyes, because I know he'll be back to me soon. We are only as strong as our weakest point, and I refuse to let that little bit of time between our visits and my poor grace in the face of emotions brought about by love be the weak point in us.
~DominaKat
M gets to me so fucking deep. He fills me up with warmth and love and tenderness like no one else. That he chooses to come to me...means so damn much. It humbles me how thoroughly He takes care of me, nurtures me, protects me. Fuck...I've never had that kind of love. It simply undoes me. He loves me so hard and well. I've finally learned to let myself lean on my beautiful, amazing Daddy. I can't lie. I need Him. He's the sun that warms me and the air I breathe. I need His love, direction, encouragement, praise, approval... lol He's where I begin and end. My alpha and omega. When I wrote those words so many months ago, I had no idea how true they would become.
We said goodbye this morning. Letting go this time was so much harder. I didn't expect that. It just sort of snuck up on me. I can't at all claim that I've handled the last 11 hours well. His absence is like a vacuum. I was completely lost most of the day. I didn't know what to do with myself. We didn't have somewhere to go. I didn't have Him to love and serve. Honestly, as soon as I got back home from dropping Him off, I curled up in bed and fought my way through a storm of emotions I'm not yet use to. M's taught me how to feel again. Not just surface emotions, but the kind that rob you of breath and shake you at your core. Emotions that squeeze you and pull you painfully taut all at once. The cost of feeling that much and that deep is not a price I've learned to pay gracefully. I need to do a better job of that for M and for myself.
I've spent the last 20 years being so damn strong so that I wouldn't feel as much pain. With M prying open the door of my heart again, I sometimes get overwhelmed with the emotional storms because along with all of the beautiful, sweet feelings also come the riskier, scary kind. The latter beat my ass today. I hurt saying goodbye. I was sad at returning home alone. I feared facing my challenges without His strength surrounding me. I mourned losing His warm, laughing presence. There was more that I had to sift through as well. Old fears and insecurities that M had unintentionally brought to the surface that I still don't know how to mentally, emotionally or physically process. But it took me too many long hours today before I was finally able to see and articulate all of elements that went into my storm.
I need to be stronger and quicker than that. Babygirl had too much of a hold on me today with a woman's hurt helping to drive the chaos. ~sigh~ Now I know. I need to be more open with myself first and with M, so that things don't build up in me. I need to prepare myself better for the reality of our goodbyes, because I know he'll be back to me soon. We are only as strong as our weakest point, and I refuse to let that little bit of time between our visits and my poor grace in the face of emotions brought about by love be the weak point in us.
~DominaKat
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