This post has taken me weeks to finish...
Life over the last six months has brought about numerous changes. External factors neither M nor I could control have demanded emotionally, mentally, and physically of each of us in ways neither of us could have expected. That's life. It's not always simple or easy or convenient. But regardless of what it takes, we've both stepped up to the plate and taken care of those who needed us.
One of the pieces that has taken a dramatic hit is our D/s dynamic. Oh make no mistake...I am still very much His submissive pet. He is still my Owner. The fundamental nature of our roles has not changed. However, the practicalities of how we D/s-ly interact with one another has had to shift and adapt at various points along the way to accommodate our lives. While He always leads and I of course gladly follow, the leash isn't always taut with expectation and imminent promise. Thankfully there have been moments when we've been able to indulge actively in our shared darkness. Those beautifully wicked moments help keep me balanced and remind me so clearly of all that we have to look forward to with one another. However, some days there just hasn't been much room at all for our dark sides to even breathe.
I won't lie. On occasion I've mourned the loss of our previous ferocity so deeply that I've wanted to scream in frustration and anger. At times, I have cried. I have sobbed brokenly. My place at M's feet - my absolute submission to Him - is my ultimate sanctuary of inner peace and contentment. Where at the end of a long, challenging day, I long to rest my soul and submission. It fucking sucks when I can't get to that place, when I can't find my way to my knees, or when M doesn't have the mind space to hold my leash tight.
I don't write this to whine or bitch. I write this because...M and I can't be the only kinksters who have faced, are facing, or will face this challenge at some point in their D/s dynamic. Sometimes life just doesn't cooperate with our wants and needs.
Our external factors have cost us. His. Mine. D/s begins and ends in our minds. When our minds must focus on demanding issues at hand that run completely counter to our roles...the D/s foundation becomes less firm and tangible. After all, it's really fucking difficult to indulge in my core submissiveness when I have to be strong and fierce as hell in the wake of another's chaos. It's impossible to react on command like I used to when there's little time or energy for training and maintenance of those hot, intense, delicious D/s protocols. We have had to adjust our preferred expectations to cope with the realities in front of us, so the unconscious habits I had adopted early in our relationship have faded for now to be replaced with efficiency and practicality.
Yes...I hate it. I miss it. I simply try my best to deal with what is and hope for what will someday be again. For now, our D/s is on a very low burn with an occasional log tossed on the fire to help us both stay warm.
At times like this, other very significant pieces fill in the gaps.
Love: We took our time. Our love was built side by side with our D/s. That love - that desire to help each other succeed and thrive - is paramount at times like these. We encourage, nurture, and support each other as a Man and a woman, as a Dom and sub, as a Daddy and little girl, as an Owner and pet. There may not be wicked, twisted naughtiness burning up the molecules between us...but there is a warm, giving, and generous love that surrounds us in warmth. Daddy's hand in mine melts me. A soft gentle touch from my Owner heals me. My Man's faith and belief in me keeps me strong.
Leadership, respect and strength: I may not be on my knees doing...well let's just skip that part shall we? lol But M is still my Owner no matter whether I'm naked and tied up or I am juggling a set of life's heavy boulders. When He speaks, I listen and obey. He also didn't respect me simply because I learned how to say "Yes, Sir" properly or take a beating like a good $2 whore. lol No, He respects all of me, not simply my dirty submissive talents. Recently, M had to seriously intervene with me. As my Owner, He sat me down and pointed out what He saw in me and what He wanted. My external factors were beginning to cost me in ways I'd only just begun to recognize. I, of course, took His words to heart and have done my best to take care of myself like He expects. I trust Him completely and didn't get defensive or push His constructive criticism away. I saw the truth and have done everything I could to make course corrections. I'm still making changes. This isn't a one-sided effort either. Months before, I had shared similar concerns for my Owner. The respect He had for me was the foundation that allowed that conversation to occur and my feedback to be heard. This is what should happen between a loving couple when the path we tread gets rocky. We hang on tight, work together, and pull together to get through.
Nope...for those few that are looking for a dynamic that is deep and meaningful, it isn't always fun and games or orgasms and pleasure. Sometimes it's about courage, faith, and hard work and the effort and intention that goes into those three things will only make the sweet times that much sweeter and the dark, delicious moments that much more sinful.
Let your D/s adapt to the circumstances and needs. Fighting it will only make the journey more difficult. Be courageous. Have faith. Work together.
~DominaKat
