Thursday, June 21, 2012

Thoughts on Subspace? Anyone? Anyone?

I'm trying to figure out subspace.  I've been on the fringes of the lifestyle and actively expanding my knowledge for almost two years.  However in the last two months...Ohhh-La-LAAAAAA!!!  M has shown me the LIGHT!!!  Hallelujah!!!

*cough* Okay...as I was saying, I'm trying to understand subspace.

Most talk about floating...zen...some tra-la-la happy floaty place.  Mine?  Mine seems to be an agressive hungry wild beast!  Soooo...WTF is THAT?!?  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy and tra-la-la-ish once we've wrapped up a scene.  I can buzz off of play with M for days.  But I don't really consider that subspace.  To me that's post play oh-my-god-M-sated-my-insatiable-need-for-hot-HOT-sex joy and bliss.  Not at all the the same experience I get during play.

Let me elaborate a bit...

During pain/impact play, I see/feel very distinct phases.
  1. First I'm in "Oww!  Damn that hurts, but oh yes I want this." mode.  That lasts for a while.  Very fun and enjoyable.  The pain is warm shifting to hot as time goes on.
  2. Then all of a sudden the pain shifts from hot to cool, and I'm in sheer animalistic bliss where I just devour pain.  I am HUNGRY - STARVED - FAMISHED for it!  "More... more... more... give me MORE."  There is a huge grin on my face, and I feel stronger and more alive than I ever have felt in my life.  I arch into every damn lick of the crop, thud of the flogger, kiss of his belt.  Seriously...nothing phases me.  (And yes, M is extremely cognizant that he has to be very careful with me in this stage since I don't feel much.)
  3. Then suddenly that deliciously wicked bubble pops and I shifted again.  This is the "Oh FUCK FUCK FUCK that hurts like hell!!!!!!" The pain is fire now.  I whimper, beg, cry...all that very fun stuff.  
I'm pretty sure the second stage is my subspace.  Thoughts?  Feedback?  Anyone?  Anyone?

Okay, another example...

When our play is more based on my submission and sex - rough still but not impact play.  I can get to a very similar place as well.  If M is deep in my head, the mindfuck hard and dirty combined with raw, yummy sex, there aren't phases, but eventually I turn into a mindless, crazed beast hungry for the next thrust, the next orgasm.  Errrrrrr!  I'm like the animal that has finally been let out of her cage to run wild and free.  Erotic, insane bliss!  *sigh*  Daddy...

*cough* Oh yeah...Wouldn't that be subspace too???  

The only difference I've noticed so far is that during the pain/punishment subspace, I'm mentally still capable.  My judgement isn't necessarily reasonable, but I can add, subtract, multiply...division may be a challenge, but...  Anyway.   When it's sex and submission...Hell, I couldn't tell you how to flip a light switch.  lol  I'd probably look at you blankly and growl.  *shrug*  Don't judge!

Considering neither of these seem to come close to the general consensus of happy-happy-joy-joy Buddhist tranquil peace, is this really subspace I'm experiencing?  Or am I being possessed by aliens?  Not that I mind really.  And if this is my subspace...do I have various kinds of subspace?  Different levels of subspace?  Anyone?  Anyone?

*sigh* Okay well if you've read this far at least say something!!!!  Even if it's...wow, maybe call a priest next time.  Which I won't, cause M and my inner beast are just too much damn fun.

Now let me go find Daddy, so we can do some scientific experiments of this whole subspace thing.   Daddy?!?  Hehehe  ;-)

Seriously...any insight would be appreciated.  I'm in Spock mode on this one.  The more I understand the more I can do to take full advantage of it!
~DominaKat

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