I followed M. Now here I am. Apparently I've finally arrived at taaaa-daaaa...Absolute Submission. No right or wrong. No pleasure. No pain. Simply His will. How I arrived at this moment, I don't quite understand.
I'd laid down for a little bit as I just wasn't feeling quite like myself. As I relaxed and let my brain wander, I surprisingly realized that physically I was wet. But my head wasn't there at all if that makes any sense. I explained to M what was going on. He, always looking out for me, immediately asked, "What's the matter, pet?" He knows me. He knows I'm essentially insatiable. He knows that I can go from 0 to 60 in 1.4 seconds. He knows how thoroughly and deeply I respond to the slightest nudge from him.
So I didn't know what the fuck my problem was. I didn't need affection. Those soft, sweet pieces of me were the antithesis of where I was. I didn't ache for pain. Even what I typically felt as my submission was very, very far away. Mentally and emotionally I was...no where. I lacked the will-motivation to do anything. I simply would have liked to be used...cold, hard use. I can't even say I "wanted" or "needed" to be used as those terms (in my head) imply some type of heat or drive. Nope. Do whatever. I'm here. I don't care.
This seemed odd, and in some ways slightly alarming to me. But as I explained, M couldn't have been more pleased with me. He didn't expect me here this quickly - so soon after we'd first discussed it. I on the other hand was basically in essentially a whatever mode.
He'd hoped to be with me when this hit. But since he couldn't at the moment, under his direction I played with myself. NOTHING phased me. NUUUU-THING. My nipple clamps which were impossible for me to tolerate at their lightest setting the last time M put them on me...I couldn't even feel. I keep tightening and tightening. Then I realized each screw was completely disengaged. lol Not even a whimper.
I stuffed my cunt and ass with toys. Nothing. Vibrator on high. Nothing. I eventually just gave up. Without permission I might add, which resulted in a firm ass chewing. Even his verbal displeasure didn't phase me, and that has always sent me into an immediate emotional, physical, and mental submission.
I was truly just a fucktoy.
I was M's rag doll.
No. I AM M's rag doll. I haven't been able to shake this...mood - find my way out of this place. Though I'm not necessarily looking for the exit door either. I'm here. Waiting. Endlessly patient. For...whatever. In an extremely distant, almost out-of-body way, I want M to do things to me. Perverted things. Sick and twisted things. I don't care. I can't find any mental or emotional heat. I coldly want to be used heartlessly. Violently. Like a mindless doll I am simply His to do with as he wants. No judgement. No hesitation. No thought. Just...okay. I will lay there and take it. Take it all.
Disassociation?
Disconnect?
De-humanized?
Don't care. I just want to watch and physically feel my sick fuck do things to me. Carelessly push my top up as he straddles my waist and squeezes and smacks my tits. Open my mouth like a doll and fuck my face. Spread my legs so he can examine His doll's cunt. Stick things in it. Watch it squirt and hear his dark laugh. All while I just lay here and occasionally barely respond to physical sensations. I know I'd probably cum. M promises me, I'll cum very hard. However cumming hard seems like it would be more work or effort than I have to give.
I can't even summons any intellectual alarm bells. lol I fully comprehend that I can't see any limit. No part of me gives a fuck. ~shrug~ I'd suck off five strangers if he told me to. I'd spread my legs for a gang bang if he wanted. I'd crawl naked in the street. I'd let him do...depraved things. My morals have seemingly disappeared. My only compass is His will.
"You've tapped into it very nicely," my Owner commented.
Huh. Okay. I wasn't trying. Just strangely here.
Too bad, M isn't. It'd probably be nice if his dick was pounding His doll's tight puckered asshole right now. Oh well...
~M's Doll
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