A Bad Girl, Anyway

Cranky.  Horny.  Hungry.  Fussy.  Slutty.  I need to gorge in sin.  ~sigh~

I needed some sassy theme music today, and Madonna is always a kinky slut, so...

It's so hypnotic

The way he pulls on me

It's like the force of gravity

Right up under my feet

It's so erotic

This feeling can't be beat

It's coursing through my whole body

Feel the heat

....

I know, I know, I know

I shouldn't act this way

I know, I know, I know

Good girls don't misbehave

Misbehave

But I'm a bad girl, anyway

Forgive me

Or don't, since I can't change.  How about just feed me more?
~DominaKat

Then and Now

Cleaning out my inbox, I found words M had sent me at the end of March before we'd even met.

"I know you love me. I know you've fallen deeper and deeper every passing day. I know you crave my touch. I know you love my light and crave my dark."

Nine months later those words are even truer, even more cemented into my soul.

I didn't expect him.  I didn't expect such patience or loyalty or deep love.  I expected what I'd always found.  Carelessness.  Lies.  Distraction with the next piece of fresh meat.  With every day we've found our way.  We've basked in the laughter and passion.  We've fought through the misunderstandings and challenges.  It was only after we started to face the latter, and I found him just as committed and focused that I began to believe in His love for me.

That love...so strong and deep and true...has brought me to my knees and lifted me up to the heavens.

My sweet Daddy who nurtures and cherishes His babygirl.
My loyal tenacious M who respects and honors His woman.
My cruel sadistic bastard who torments His masochist.
My hungry passionate Beast that feeds from His victim.
My demanding Owner who protects His pet.

He is my dreamer, my idealist, my procrastinator.  He pushes me.  He holds me.  He never fucking lets me go.

With Him...because of Him, I'm able to give more.  I can be His soft spot.  I can be His whore.  I can be the silly sweet little girl teasing Him with goofy puppets in the store isle.  I can be His bitch that organizes His projects.  I can be the woman by His side whose hand he holds tightly as we walk down the street.  I'm not His secret or His second choice.

I'm simply His.

No...a year ago, I never expected Him to even exist let alone walk into my life.  I never expected to love again so fully, to be able to love again without holding back pieces of myself in reserve.

Yet here I am.

Thank you M.
And before you even ask...for being you.  ~kiss~
~DominaKat

The Sadistic Bastard and Filthy Whore

Slick with sweat.
Sticky thighs covered in my cum.
Tears stain my cheeks.

I beg for fucking more.

Bruises bloom.
Welts stripe.
The flush of sexual frenzy.

I am awash in His colors.

More.
Hurt me.
Yes, please...

I crave His sweet dark pain.

Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.

Bent over and holes open.
Ready for torment.
Hungry for abuse.

I am a shameless greedy slut.

His black dick tunnels deep.
Through my wet, white cunt.
The hot flesh parts and sucks on His hard shaft.

I groan in ecstasy as He feeds from me.

Driving into me brutally.
A hand chokes my throat.
Another digs at my tender swollen breasts.

I cum gushing on His tight nuts.

Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.

His hungry dick shifts to my ass.
He shoves that cruel head in my tight bud.
Each violent push rips deeper.

I scream as pain consumes me.

Harder.
Further.
Ruthless.

I surrender completely to our darkness.

My ass finally opens.
He rapes His hole with no mercy.
We growl in fevered hunger.

I am simply His mindless animal to rut in.

He pushes my head down.
He grips my hips painfully.
He roars as His cum pumps into me.

Fuck yes...I scream in orgasm as my cum falls.

Use me.
You sadistic bastard.
Take.
Your filthy fucking whore.

He pulls out with a groan.
I spread my cheeks and wait like an obedient dog.
His hot tangy piss drowns His fuckholes.

I sigh in submission to His intimate marking.

A fist in my hair guides me.
My mouth swallows His glistening dick.
I lick clean our violent passion as I drip of Him.

Our flavor stains my soul.

He picks up my leash and walks back to the house.
I follow in a crawl across the yard.
Smiling as He tugs His pet to His side.

I bask in my place to my Beast.

Yes...

I am used.
By my sadistic bastard.

He took.
His filthy fucking whore.
~DominaKat

My Failure to Pay Gracefully

Three and a half beautiful days shared with M.  His presence here is still sprinkled through the house.  His glass.  His shirt.  The imprint on the pillows.  The tangle of blankets on the couch.   Little moments that remind me it wasn't a dream.

M gets to me so fucking deep.  He fills me up with warmth and love and tenderness like no one else.  That he chooses to come to me...means so damn much.  It humbles me how thoroughly He takes care of me, nurtures me, protects me.  Fuck...I've never had that kind of love.  It simply undoes me. He loves me so hard and well.  I've finally learned to let myself lean on my beautiful, amazing Daddy.  I can't lie.  I need Him.  He's the sun that warms me and the air I breathe.  I need His love, direction, encouragement, praise, approval...  lol  He's where I begin and end.  My alpha and omega.  When I wrote those words so many months ago, I had no idea how true they would become.

We said goodbye this morning.  Letting go this time was so much harder.  I didn't expect that.  It just sort of snuck up on me.  I can't at all claim that I've handled the last 11 hours well.  His absence is like a vacuum.  I was completely lost most of the day.  I didn't know what to do with myself.  We didn't have somewhere to go.  I didn't have Him to love and serve.  Honestly, as soon as I got back home from dropping Him off, I curled up in bed and fought my way through a storm of emotions I'm not yet use to.  M's taught me how to feel again.  Not just surface emotions, but the kind that rob you of breath and shake you at your core.  Emotions that squeeze you and pull you painfully taut all at once.  The cost of feeling that much and that deep is not a price I've learned to pay gracefully.  I need to do a better job of that for M and for myself.

I've spent the last 20 years being so damn strong so that I wouldn't feel as much pain.  With M prying open the door of my heart again, I sometimes get overwhelmed with the emotional storms because along with all of the beautiful, sweet feelings also come the riskier, scary kind.  The latter beat my ass today.  I hurt saying goodbye.  I was sad at returning home alone.  I feared facing my challenges without His strength surrounding me.  I mourned losing His warm, laughing presence.  There was more that I had to sift through as well.  Old fears and insecurities that M had unintentionally brought to the surface that I still don't know how to mentally, emotionally or physically process.  But it took me too many long hours today before I was finally able to see and articulate all of elements that went into my storm.

I need to be stronger and quicker than that.  Babygirl had too much of a hold on me today with a woman's hurt helping to drive the chaos.  ~sigh~  Now I know.  I need to be more open with myself first and with M, so that things don't build up in me.  I need to prepare myself better for the reality of our goodbyes, because I know he'll be back to me soon.  We are only as strong as our weakest point, and I refuse to let that little bit of time between our visits and my poor grace in the face of emotions brought about by love be the weak point in us.
~DominaKat

Daddy's Arms

There's nothing like Daddy's arms.
Tight and protective around me.
The warm shelter of His embrace.

Within them I am free.
To soar so high.
To love deep and true.

Peace like I've never known.
Sweet joy blooms.
And old wounds fade.

Where He dries my salty tears.
Inspires my silly laughter.
And coaxes my sweet breathless surrender.

In Daddy's arms,
I am transformed.
I find my destiny.

He is my hope.
His love my anchor.
His arms my home.
~DominaKat

Owned

I am owned.
His.

His canvas to paint.
His slave to command.
His victim to torture.

My love.
My passion.
My tears.
My pain.

All His.

I've surrendered completely.
My walls have tumbled.
I am stripped bare.

My heart.
In His hands.

My submission.
At His feet.

All that I am.
Is on His leash.

He is my Alpha.
My Omega.
My Heaven.
My Hell.

I no longer hide.
He refuses to let me run.
My hand in His.
As He leads us through our journey.

My loyalty.
My trust.
My mind.
My body.

All His.

For Him I am soft and brave.
Because of Him I hope and love.
With Him I am wanton and depraved.

I am His obedient pet by His side.
I am His nasty whore in His bed.

I am His babygirl.
Who plays in fountains as He watches over.

I am His property.
That He uses and abuses at will.

I am owned.
His.
~DominaKat

Waiting...

I simply don't know how to breathe without Him.

It's as if the Warrior inside me has knocked Babygirl into a coma to keep the vulnerable child from feeling anything, and now the ever practical fighter is frantically performing CPR on the battered Woman, desperate to keep her from fading into the blessed oblivion she seeks. We thought we were ready for anything.

We were so wrong.

Even the Warrior failed to anticipate that maneuver. How surprising though that regardless of the mind shattering pain we all shared, the submissive Whore was the only one left with a voice. Amid the chaos and despite her suffering, the humble, masochistic doormat knew and accepted without hesitation the only truth there was left to hang on to - we were Owned.

It didn't matter if we hadn't yet earned the right to wear His name.  It didn't matter if we went unclaimed.  It didn't matter if we were never enough.  No matter what, she knew that we are and would always simply be His, even if He never chose to pick up our leash.  She simply knelt naked and bruised in the chilly filthy mud and apologized for our foolishness and our failure until He walked away in anger and disgust, leaving this silent vacuum that threatens to drown us all.

The shock of it all is almost too much. It was like a lightening strike on a cloudless sunny day. Time has no meaning. Food unnecessary. Sleep a mysterious commodity no longer within my weak grasp. I simply sit and tremble facing my ultimate fear as the numbing cold slips so confortingly around me.

I'm waiting...

Apparently that's what I've been doing all along.

If only I had understood that critical fact, none of this would have even happened.

The Woman wouldn't have tried to be brave.  The Babygirl wouldn't be trapped in darkness.  The Whore wouldn't be in a daze.  The Warrior wouldn't be beaten and bloody.

Yet as the practical exhausted Warrior surveys the damage, she whispers the only thing left to say, "We did out best. At least now we know."

Silence is the only reply. We simply wait.  For what, we don't know.  However, we have neither the courage nor strength to do more.
~DominaKat