Emotional Submission

It's been rough lately.  Stress.  Sadness.  Worry.  Frustration.  Pain.  Sorrow.  Fear.  You name it. It seems to have found its way into our lives.  It all just continued to snowball last week until finally I gave in one day and told M something I've never said before.

"I think I need my Daddy today."

I've never confessed to that kind of deep need.  I've never indulged in those soft, weak emotions.  I either wasn't allowed to be weak or the one around me didn't deserve that depth of trust or have the strength of character to embrace the emotional needs of my lil girl.  So, my warrior always carried the weight and braved the storms.

I wasn't comfortable admitting where I was emotionally.  Oh, I trust M completely.  I was just...ashamed of the fact that I was a bit of an internal mess and that I didn't want to be so fucking strong right then nor did I want to crawl back into my cave alone.  However, I try my damnedest to be honest with myself and with M about my submission, so I swallowed my warrior's pride and reached out.  He didn't let me down.

M's immediate reply was simply, "Of course, Babygirl."

Slowly over the course of the day, I let myself go.  Daddy encouraged me every step of the way until I was vulnerable, exposed, and tucked content and protected into his arms.  He didn't carelessly pat me on the head or get frustrated with my messy emotions.  He cherished and nurtured me.  He babied me.  I felt precious and so utterly emotionally safe it broke my heart.  In the end I found myself freer for having laid bare my helplessness.  I found myself stronger for having crawled in my Daddy's lap and drawn from his calm, loving strength.

Amid all of life's practical hurdles and demands lately, I've tried to explain since how much Daddy's presence that day meant to me.  However, the bigger the step, the longer it takes for me to process.  This kind of emotional submission was a huge step for me.  It's been so damn long since a man has seen me helpless and selflessly responded with utter tenderness, sincerity, and compassion.  In fact, it's been about 22 fucking years.    (Yes, I know...ridiculous.)  I don't always understand how M has gotten past my guards, my walls, my fire-breathing dragon and into the fortress I've built around myself.  I just know I'm so damn grateful that he did.

Thank you, Daddy.  ~kiss~
~Babygirl