Clean Up

Cleaning up my friends list on fet over the next few days.  My feed has become irrelevant and uninspiring.  In fact, a lot more than that has become irrelevant and uninspiring.  It's time I get back to the basics before I walk away completely.  But as I go through this...cleansing, a few thoughts.

I'm not impressed with...

• Dick pics.  ~yawn~  So fucking what.  I can find something bigger to try to shove up in me if size was the key.  What can you do with my mind?  Do you have an imagination?  Do you even have a clue that this is about more than sex?  
• 300+ friends.  Really?  Is that all you do is friend everyone?  So quantity is more important than quality.  Hmmmm...I'm pretty much a substance kinda girl.  Looking for it in anyone who I include in my circle.
• Porn-addicts.  Dude...if the only thing you do is search for more pictures of tits and ass to love and beat off to every night, you really need a life and a swift kick in the ass.  Good god, you must be a total bore to converse with.  No one ever been my friend let alone allowed to touch me without having something to talk about.
• Manwhores.  Yeah...A.D.D. when it comes to relationships is a waste of time.  I'm not into being on any one's long list of friends, text buddies, IM buddies, or lovers.  I'm worth way more than that time of carelessness.
• Domwannabes.  Rough sex does not make you a dom nor does it really even make you kinky.  It puts you on the extreme side of vanilla.  Don't pretend and try to convince us your anything more than what you are.  If you want to be respected as a Dom/Master...learn, grow, evolve.  Sitting there doing nothing while pounding on your chest saying you're to be respected?  lol  Very uninspiring.
• Liars & Cheaters.  Seriously...if you can't be honest, there's no point.  I have zero tolerance for games, drama, lies, and bullshit.
• Dramawhores.  Ummmm...you create your own energy.  Go watch a soap opera and stay as far away from me as possible.  I tend to get vicious and violent when drama gets blown my way.
• Capt. Save-A-Hoe Types.  I'm not a ho' that needs saving.  I"m a woman that wants a partner in life.  I've had my fill of men whining about how woman treat them when half the problem is they either stay or keep picking the same type.  If history keeps repeating itself, maybe you should try something different.
• Silent Lurkers.  Nothing to say?  Nothing to contribute?  No questions?  Comments?  Curiosities?  You want to be a Dom/Master/Owner but you can't even speak on the lifestyle, the concepts, the framework?  Huh...I suppose a sub is just suppose to immediately respond to your self appointed title?  lol  A little advice...respect is earned.
• Stalkers.  Ummmm...so is it jealousy?  Is it a game?  Or are you just so easily entertained?  Does your stomach ever heave when you pry and snoop?  Do you enjoy your anonymity and being lost in the shadows?  Come on...stop playing hide and seek.  Either run along or stand up and be about something.
• I Want What's Yours.  ~sigh~  Really?  So being respectful is essentially a lost art these days.  Yes, I know you're there.  lol  I'm not a fool.  I understand you can't find your own.  Try to take the shortcut.  Such a messy, ugly place to begin, but hey that says what about you?  And if I lose... well, honestly it's best if we all find that out now, don't ya think? 
• Fuck & Pass.  Hmmmmm...So tell me.  Does that make you feel better about yourself?  Huh.  Interesting.  And not the good kind of interesting either.  Maybe you should talk to someone.  The professional kind.
• Smoke & Mirrors.  Multiple profiles.  Multiple sites.  Multiple personalities, games, and bullshit.  Wtf?!?  Are you still 12 and hiding from your mom?  Really?  If you can't man up and be you, then why would you deserve even a minute of my time?  Grow up.  Man up.  Own it.  Or embrace forever being a little coward sneaking off from one place to another for attention.  Trust me...you'll never find you self worth with the smoke and mirrors strategy.  

Yes...His soft, sweet lil pet has her claws out tonight.  Oh look...they are still as sharp as they've always been.  ;-P  My kindness, patience, and tolerance only go so far.

~DominaKat

Beaten

Fuck.  He'd never so thoroughly destroyed me.  

When He clasped the back of my neck, I almost dropped everything in my hands.  Lust swam through my viens and made me dizzy with need.  His orders were simple and to the point.

Stripped.  Naked.  Obedient.  My hands against the wall.  My ass arched to receive.  He harshly grabbed and kneaded my heavy breasts.  He pinched my nipples until I whimpered at the hot pain that lanced my mind.  He would not be gentle tonight.  He would not be easy.  I didn't want either.  I needed His darkness.

My legs spread.  My cunt beginning to drip.  He raked His long fingers through my heavy folds and plunged into His fuckhole.  His.  Completely fucking His.  I no longer could find the pleasure I once knew in myself.  My cunt was His property and responded only to Him.  As His fingers dug inside me my body responded to its Owner's demand.  Slick wet heat that I could no longer inspire when I touched myself flowed effortlessly for Him.  It lubricated my hole and coated His probing fingers.  He forced me to my first orgasm.  Demanded it.  My body gave.

I wonder how he felt knowing only He could inspire such lust and need?  Did it please Him how well fucking trained I was?  Did my body's instinctual response sate some dark primitive need in His soul?

With my first minor orgasm out of the way, He moved on to the main course.  I didn't know what He had planned.  I never do.  I simply hold on and follow His lead.  That night, He unleashed on me a blessed torrent of sweet dark pain that seemed endless.  He gave me no mercy and intentionally drove me with a relentlessness I wasn't expecting.  I don't remember the order He used His tools.  I don't remember how long.  I simply endured the beautiful misery that only a sadist and masochist can understand.

He beat me.  My ass.  My thighs.  My back.  Again and again.  The flogger licked my skin in hot vicious bites.  That fucking spatula broke across my body in a burst of fire.  His belt wailed across me.  His firm hand pounded at me.  I held still obediently.  I naughtily shied away from some of the pain.  I was a greedy pet and arched higher, again and again begging with my fat ass for more of His dark cruelty.  I was a damn mess bouncing between controlled submission and unrestrained fear and need of more.  I didn't know from one moment to the next what was coming or how I would respond.  I surrendered to the feeling of being wanted.  I gave in to our darkness.

How did it feel to unleash on me?  What did He think as His pet whimpered and cried out?  What did He feel as He watched me jump away from the pain and then helplessly seek out more?  What must He feel to know how fucking much I needed Him?

And I came.  I don't remember when or how often.  He drove into me intermittently and crudely forced His meat to take His entry.  All I do clearly remember is the repetitive sound of my gushing releases pouring onto the floor and pooling between my spread feet.  At times simply the overwhelming pleasure of pain pushed me over the edge.  Other times it was the intimacy and pressure of Him in my hole where I could not in any way hide my desire.  My thighs were splashed with my juice as I bent my knees and ground out my hot lust like a dog.  The streams of cum seemed endless.  I vaguely remember His dark satisfaction that I came for Him like a fucking slut.  I was humiliated to be so transparent.  I also didn't give a fuck.  I just wanted more.  More.  More.

Of Him.  Of This.  Of Us.

He gave.  The pain.  The pleasure.  I took.  I would have stood there forever and devoured ever drop of darkness He fed me.  He knew before I did where He was taking me.  Closer and closer He moved toward me even as He continued to torment me.  He was at my side.  The beating became more intimate.  Soon He was holding me up as He wrung the last cries of sweet pain from His exhausted pet.  I shook viciously.  The sheer relief in my soul broke me, and I clung to Him as tears streamed down my face.

Did He understand how much I loved and trusted Him?  Did He see how very vulnerable and helpless I am to Him?  Did He know that only He sates my mind, body, and soul?

All that happened after...I can not bring myself to share.  Those moments are too intimate, too sweet, too private.  He did things no one had ever done or even thought to do.  The tenderness and loving care He gave me that night will forever be a part of my soul that I will never relinquish.

Every moment I share with M, he ruins me further.  Our light.  Our dark.  Those beautiful strands surround and protect us.  They bind us together, and together we find our harmony.
~DominaKat

I am a Whore.

Yes.  That's right.  I am a whore.  A monogamous whore but a whore nonetheless.  For my Man, my Daddy, my Owner I will and have performed, received, and contemplated sexual acts that most in the world would consider sinful or downright sick and twisted.  Instead I've gloried in their delightful humiliation and unique masochistic reward.

I can't even claim to be a classy whore.  No.  The classy woman disappears completely when He frees my inner insatiable beast.  That wild, untamed-but-for-Him monster is an animalistic gutterslut that opens her mouth and spreads her legs with eager, wanton abandon.

Fuck me.  Use me.  Hurt me.  Tame your filthy bitch.

When He purposefully removes His calm, cool, and collected mask and lets His passion for me rage, I know no greater joy and fulfillment.  I dance with His Beast like I was born only for His pleasure.  He pushes me further and further every time we indulge in our darkness.  He strips me down to my whorish essence and plunders at will.

Under Him.  Beneath Him.  Pleasing Him.  Serving Him.  

I crave Him like lungs seek air.  To feel Him somewhere - anywhere - inside me is to experience a freedom I've never known and to feel so thoroughly alive that I can barely stand at the flood of sensations.  As His tongue possesses my mouth, I tremble.  As His hand shoves deep into my greedy fuckhole, I pant in mindless pleas.  As His hard Black Dick rips into my tight puckered asshole, I howl in feral bliss.

His victim.  His meat.  His toy.  His whore.

As His handcropbeltflogger tears into my flesh, I succumb so absolutely that HeThisNow is all that exists in my world.  The pain that He incites leaves me helpless.  To sate His sadistic needs is my ultimate quest.  As I am held down so forcefully, I find a blessed peace at belonging so completely to Him.  To be at His mercy and know He is my only savior.  As I obey and fall to my knees to accept Him in ways I've never dreamed nor dared, I am everything and nothing.  His goddesswhore.  I do not fight my fate, my dark cruel destiny.  I embrace it, bask in it, become all He leads me to be.

For Him.  With Him.  As His.

Our journey ahead stretches across dark seas I have yet to even consider, yet I know of no other future that this one with Him.  In Him, I have found where I belong.  He has given me my place and purpose.

Owned.  On His leash.  At His feet.  I am home.
~DominaKat

Breaking News

The Breaking News broke my heart.  My hope - that this country could finally deliver justice even after it couldn't protect - broke into a thousand splintered pieces.  Again and again, this great place fails me.

Again and again...this land has failed you.
Failed your mother.
Failed your father
Fail your grandfather.
Failed your ancestors.
Failed your people.

Failed.
Failed.
Failed.

His death.
His injustice.

He represented you in your youth.  He was the story your mother always feared.  The one she still fears.  He became the son, the brother, the grandson, the friend, the men.  He was a symbol of every danger and risk a Black Man endures as He leaves His home, goes to church or work or the store, as He takes a breath.  And I am fucking terrified.

They fear you without knowing your endless compassion and protective nature.  They hate you without realizing how that the beautiful, creative mind you have can entertain and delight.  They hunt you without caring how very much you are loved, cherished, and respected.  They would destroy you without thought to the honorable and wise Man that you are.

Every day the truth of this is reinforced, and I hear your pain.  I see your frustration and disappointment at a social system that continues to erode.  I feel the anger that pulses through your soul at the injustice, the cruelty, and the violence that plaques your community.

I hurt for you.  I am frustrated at this senseless fight.  I am furious with society.

And I have never felt more helpless in my life.

I have no words to say that will comfort.  Nothing I say will change anything.  I want to scream my rage at the top of my lungs.  This must stop.  This must end.  Yet the blood of millions stains the field before me, and my words are meaningless in the face of their sacrifice and scars.

I want so very much to change the world for you, with you.  Yes...this very white-skinned, middle aged woman.  The epitome of those who unjustly wield their undeserved might to destroy you and your people.  I want to stain my skin because I feel I somehow carry the guilt of the sins those who look like me have committed.

What do I do?  What can I say?  How can I help you?  You.  My beautiful Black King.  How do I protect you?  Keep you safe?  You.  My Love, my Daddy, my amazing and honorable Man.

I would kill anyone that would harm you.  With a knife, a sword, a bullet, my bare fucking hands...I would protect you with my last breath.  Today, I am more afraid than I have ever been of their hate of you and their blindness at your tremendous value.  I am terrified that I will somehow lose you to this evil thing that eats endlessly away at our society.

Yet as I look past my anger and fear, I find the simplest of truths to what I should do and how I can help.

I stand with you.  Yesterday.  Today.  Tomorrow.  Always.  I am at your side.  To support in any way possible and encourage all that you can achieve and accomplish.  To help you succeed and triumph despite the odds. To guard and protect you as best I can.  To love you unwaveringly through good and bad days.  To always be that one place you can find peace, harmony, and hope when you are weary.

We.  You and I.  Are a flicker of hope.  Those like us - the interracial couples who blend with love white, yellow, brown, and black and who stand tall and proud together - are each a flicker of hope that refuses to fade.  The love each of us have for their partner, for their beautiful children, for their amazing extended families proves the possibility of peace and love and unity.

Regardless of the breaking news of yesterday, today, or tomorrow, the evil and injustice of racism continues to loose ground slowly and surely in the face of that kind of love, acceptance, and fortitude.  No, it will likely never be eradicated, but the silent story of interracial love, families, and friendships are a sea of flickering hope that will work in tandem with the larger efforts of politics, media, and society to slowly instill change.

To my beautiful, strong Black Man...I stand with you.  Just as you are my fighter at my side in life's battles, so am I yours.  Yesterday.  Today.  Tomorrow.  Always.
~DominaKat

The Fighter at My Side

The last month has been exhausting, painful, and disheartening...except last week.  M rolled in just as things had reached critical and explosive proportions.  In the middle of chaos - when I was at my very worst - he was hours away from arriving for our planned visit.

Within an hour of us pulling in the driveway, He made it firmly known that I wasn't alone and that He would protect me.  That night I went into His arms and found once again my peaceful sanctuary. He held me like He'd never let me go.  He wrapped His heat around me and warmed my chilled, bruised soul.

Less than 24-hours later, He did what no man had ever done...He pulled me mentally and emotionally back from shutdown.  Without a fucking care about who witnessed or what anyone thought, He entered my space so gently and gave me a lifeline to cling to in the darkest shadows.  He leaned His forehead down to mine, slowly stroked my head and back, and coaxed my weary soul to the safety of Him.  The warrior in me that had surrounded me to guard against the pain surrendered her post to M.  The tension that had wracked my body dissipated, the coldness that had begun to creep into my heart ebbed, and the buzz of nothing that had burst in my head to shut out what I could no longer cope with drifted away.  Within moments every bit of chaos faded and all there was for me was Him.  M.  Daddy.  My Owner.

A small tickle of tears slipped down my cheek in relief at the unfamiliar feeling of not being left alone to fight my way through the battles I reluctantly found myself facing. That gift - that protection and shelter - was one of the most moving moments of my existence   My entire life, I've had to face my storms alone, standing as long as I could with my head held high and showing no pain.  Yes, there were loved ones in my corner and at my back.  But no one had ever jumped in the ring to fight at my side, to steady me when the knives cut deep. That man's love for me is the richest, strongest, most powerful kind of love I have ever been blessed to receive.

In the midst of chaos, He was so fucking calm and steady.  He brought me back to Him without hesitation or internal debate.  He was instinctually there.  He knew immediately when I defaulted into old habits of detachment, and He refused to allow those cruel defenses to take root in His pet...His woman.

When I say He is my center, that He is my beginning and end, those aren't bullshit, silly D/s sayings of a sub in awe of her Owner's ability to make me cum, find delicious subspace, or tame my lioness.    No...my words are soul deep truth and so very much more than sex or kink or fun.  There was no arrogance or dom showboating when He came to my side nor did humble submissive protocols snap into place. It was simply us. And that Us flows into every aspect of who we are and what we do.

For me...He is my soulmate.  The One I've waited my whole damn life to meet and share a life with.  I fit with Him in ways I never considered or imagined were possible.  He reaches into me so deep and true to find the very best I have to give.  I watch Him again and again offer me the best of Himself.  I've never been loved like this. I've never found peace like this.  Even at my very worst last week, we found a harmony that sang pure and sweet through the thunderous battle.  I can deny this Man - my Man - my Soulmate - nothing.

Through every moment we were together, the chaos retreated further and further.  The wounds I had suffered over the last few weeks faded.  With Him by my side, I am stronger than I've ever been.  While I, as always, hated to say goodbye, I had never been so grateful for the opportunity we had to be together.

However, the part that gets really eerie though is that from almost the second we've been separated, fate has been bombarding us both with challenge after challenge.  The gods truly seem pissed that we are apart.  While I can't at all say I appreciate their response, I do like that they bless our togetherness with good tidings.  I say that bodes well for our future, regardless of today.

In the meantime, I take strength in Him.  When I feel weak and tired, I think of that moment in my kitchen when He came to my rescue and know how very much I am loved.
~DominaKat