Things I've Learned So Far

Random shit I've learned so far in my journey...

• This shit is complicated.  There are rules.  There are protocols.  There are various styles of approach.  But you can make it what YOU want as long as you respect others boundaries.
• There seems to be a greater percentage of crazy people in this community than most others.  I guess I fit in quite nicely.  Okay...maybe not.  But at least I'm no longer the REALLY crazy bitch. lol
• There's a lot of vanilla folks that think they're kinky, but they soooooo aren't.  
• I'm not as big of a freak as I thought I was.  Lotsa folks have me WAY out-freaked.  
• The community is quite open and welcoming as a whole.
• I like...no, I REALLY like floggers.  Hehehehe  Can't wait to learn and experience more on either side of that lovely fall.
• Being a switch is challenging.  The two sides of me are not necessarily conducive to one partner.
• The mental aspect of BDSM is the most challenging to play out.  I definitely need more practice and experience to get where I know I want things.
• My dominant side is still in it's infancy.  But I do love that Bitch.
• My sub side is such a naughty whore.  lol
• Intellectually I still don't get events.  I know...I know...I need to go to some.
• There's different "fractions" within the BDSM world and swingers seem to be looked down upon by certain portions of the D/S realm.  I think the whole ownership/"this is mine" premise doesn't mesh well with "sharing".  Imagine that?
• Many aspects of this journey suit me quite well.  I've found a place where my thoughts and desires are not frowned upon and perceived as negative, but celebrated and encouraged.  For that I am very grateful.

And so the journey continues...

~A Content Kat for the Moment

Not Tamed

I'm not tame.

I tried once.
I tried not to be me.

I tried to be docile, suburban, respectable.

I failed.

I wilted.

It broke something in me.
Never again.

I'm not obedient.
I'm not domestic.

I won't live at your feet and wait for attention.
I won't sit patiently by while my needs are ignored or shrugged off.
I won't beg to be fed by your hand.

I was not bred to be a yippee, useless lap dog.

I need to run.
Will you run with me?
Could you keep pace?

I need to play.
Roam.
Explore.

Would you encourage me to be me?
Could we play, roam and explore together?

Or would you simply want me panting and waiting for you to find time for me?
Don't bother.

I need a mate.
A partner.
An equal.

Let us chase the wind.
Let us jump the moon.
Let us soar.

Together.

Take me where I long to go.

Let me take you where you've never been.

Are you strong enough?
Brave enough?
Man enough?

Challenge me.

Match me.

I dare you.

~A Fierce and Defiant Kat

**************

Notes:
Summarizing a statement from last week that left an impression...  "You're not house trained.  If the door opens up, you'll run.  You wouldn't be waiting on the porch for a man to come back."  lol  That analogy pretty much sums it up.  I'm not some pretty little thing to wait patiently while a man goes to play.  I won't wait behind forgotten and ignored.  I won't settle for less than I deserve.  I'm simply asking for respect and to be valued for who and ALL that I am.  To be a partner and a priority.

Make no mistake.  This is not about loyalty.  Once my loyalty is given (unless you give me cause to break it) I will fight, protect, and stand with you...lover, friend, family.  Even if I have to run 1,000 miles to get there.  Even if I haven't set eyes on you in 15 years.  It makes no difference.  If my loyalty is yours...I will be there.  This is why I am extremely selective about who I give my loyalty to.  It must be earned.  It must be respected.  It must be valued.

And yes...I do know I expect and demand too much of those close to me.  Then again, I'd rather have a small yet strong circle around me than a large weak one that will scatter and run when called on.
~Kat

Bitch

In a mood.

No games.
No silliness.
No sweet white lies.

Let's fuck.

Are you man enough?
Can you handle me?

Tame me.
I dare you to try.

Pull out your dick.
Stroke it for me.
Show me you want me.

Tell me all the delicious ways you plan to fuck me.

I am the bitch you never imagined.
I am the whore of your dreams.
I am the One.

If you prove yourself.
If you are enough.
If you can handle everything I am.

Watch me.
See me drip.

Do you enjoy a woman's long legs spread wide and welcoming for you?

Bring me your dick.
Feed it to me.

My hot, wet mouth needs filled.
Fucked.
Don't pull back.
Choke me with it.

A greedy, nasty whore.
I need it hard.
I need it rough.

Pull my hair and take my mouth like you've always wanted.

Push your fingers into me.
Feel my slick juices pour into your hand as I cum.
Again you bastard.
Again.

My thighs slick.
My nipples hard.
My red lips swollen from sucking you.

Fuck me.
Give it to me.
Satisfy me.

Now.

Fuck your bitch like she deserves.
Fuck me like I need.

Fuck me.
Don't hold back.

Fuck me.

~A Kat with Her Claws Out

Difficult and Demanding

"You need a lion."
"You're incredible, but exhausting.  A man can't just throw dick at you and expect you to be satisfied."
"You need total domination."
"You need structure.  You shouldn't always get what you want."

*sigh* Apparently I'm complicated even sexually.  Complicated.  Difficult.  Demanding.  Those are simply a few quotes recently from different male friends, lovers, and acquaintances.  I don't see myself as they do.  Yes, I know I am very, very sexual and that that river of passion and desire is never far from the surface no matter where I am.  For the right partner...he could take me from calm and chatting amiably to panting and coming in a hot flood of juice in under 60 seconds.  For a man that has the courage and strength to match me, I can respond instantly to his desire for me.  My sexual nature is simply a significant piece of who I am.  It always has been.

Yet, while I've had some amazing and beautiful sexual experiences, I feel as if I've never truly been taken to the highest peak.  I'm not even sure what that would look like or how exactly to get there.  I just know that there is something more...waiting.  I'm searching for answers.  I'm exploring theories.

But maybe it's an illusion.  Maybe it doesn't exist.  Is what I need, want, desire really such a challenge? There are moments when a part of me wants to scream in frustration or cry in hopelessness because some nameless part of me can't find fulfillment...release.

I know I am a greedy lover.  Not just in that I want pleasure, but that I crave giving pleasure as well.  To have my lover lose himself to my hands, my mouth, my body.  To feel his control break and take from me what he desires most and what I so willingly would provide.

As much as I hate to admit it and despite what my best friend claims is my total feminist approach to life, there is an archaic and traditional streak in me that runs deep, deep to my very soul, and it demands that I be fought for and unequivocally claimed.  Claimed emotionally, intellectually, and physically.  As strong and as rebellious as I am...this seems like an impossible task to expect of any of today's men.  And while I know this need is key, I have no idea really what it means or how someone should do it.  *sigh*
~A Frustrated and Lonely Lioness

The Search

We search.
Seeking the one.

The one to fulfill our desires.
Soothe our cravings.
Satisfy our desperate needs.

We search.
For each other.

Could you be what I need?
Are you simply looking for me?

Do you close your eyes and wish for my hot, wet mouth?
My hands stroking your pleasure.
In your dreams am I underneath you?
Begging for more, taking everything you'll give me.

Do you want what only I can give you?
The consuming passion.
The seductive pleasure.
Your breathless peace.

Let me ease the ache you have.
Be your sweet bitch.
Let me take you deep into my mouth until you're lost.

Bend me over.
Bury yourself in my heat.
Take exactly what you desperately crave.
Give me the pleasure that I long for.

Ask.

Demand.

Take.

I will give.

Eager and oh so willing.

Let me please you.

Could you handle me?
Would I be enough?
Would I be too much?

Or am I exactly what you've always wanted?
~ Naughty Kat

Mind Fuck

Oh yes...the delicious Mind Fuck everyone so chats about and plays with.  The fear they inspire.  The confusion they direct.  The anguish they mold.  Bravo to those doms for giving their subs and slaves what works for them.  But my idea of a Mind Fuck is quite different.  Imagine that...me not following tradition even in a non-traditional scene.  *sigh*  Must I always do things the hard way?

The mind is the most powerful and sensual organ we have.  Without it we are nothing but rutting animals in heat.  My hope and wish as a sub... My challenge and focus as a Domme...  My vision of a Mind Fuck is the exploration and exploitation of the mind to amp up my lover's sexual energy to never before experienced heights.  A journey where my lover abandons today, stresses, concerns...reality completely and becomes so deeply entrenched in me - in us - in the sexual power and energy we create that the need to be in that moment and for more is as necessary as breathing.  To lose yourself in another...in the pleasure we create.  To drown in the ecstasy that we bring together through a strong foundation of trust, intention, communication and effort.  To create such a physically, emotionally, and mental sexual experience that when their orgasm finally breaks or the scene finally winds down, the release is shattering.

As a sub I want to be mindless with pleasure.  Driven to need my lover's touch like I need air.  Completely at the mercy of my lover's skill, control, and demands.  To forget thought, reason, resistance, and my guards and absorb all that my lover will give me.  To be pushed past where I am me and exist only as a sexual tension and energy that explodes at my lover's will and desire.

As a Domme I want my lover to be lost in me.  All resistance disintegrated, where nothing exists but my every touch, my delicious tongue, my hot wet mouth, my juicy cunt, my hot tight asshole...everything that is me.  To crave me and what I do like a fucking drug they can't get enough of.  To know I am the One.

Nothing through blood curdling fear.  Nothing through confusion.  Nothing through gut wrenching anguish.

Simply because the pleasure I/we have created of the mind and the body is so fucking good it's never enough.

*shrug*  But that's just me.  I'm really just a baby in this new world.  Maybe I have unrealistic expectations.  Again...imagine that?  lol
~Naughty Kat

The Chains

I struggle against the chains that bind me.
Those that have slowly weaved their way around me.
The ones I've placed on myself.
And the few I have left from society's demand.

I fight.
I defy.
I rebel.

All fail.
None can, will, or want to succeed.
I give my best.
Yet it's never enough.

The chains bite.
I bleed.
My fault.
I shouldn't have struggled so.

Silly emotions cloud reality.
Useless desires never meant to be satisfied.
Is the road to peace really in a patchwork of pieces?

A mistress is better than a fool.
Just as truth is better than illusion.
An empty bed is better than unending failure.
Just as harsh reality is better than heartbreak.

I question my sanity.
I question my strength.
I question my needs.
I question my desires.

I've never known faithful.
I've never known true.
I've never seen happiness.
I've never seen denial.

Always open and willing.
To her affection.
To her desires.
To her warm, willing cunt.

A constant search for more.
An unending quest for adventure.

The chains bite.

I bruise.
I bleed.

Yet I continue to struggle.
Against a fate I have no hope to escape.
~ A Mistress