Monday, September 29, 2014

Old Demons Rise

Old demons, the ones that have haunted me all my life again and again, have risen once more with powerful wings, triumphant cries, and even sharper talons.  They stalk and hunt me like helpless prey in a world filled with grey shadows and icy bitter wind.

Every time I've faced them, I've fought differently with all the strength I can muster, desperate for a different outcome. No matter what tactic, what defence, what offense I've attempted their pursuit was relentless.  I could find no one to fight with me.  I could find no shelter.  I was alone.

I was alone.

And every time they have viciously won, sinking their poisonous fangs deeply into my vulnerable soft heart. They feasted on my tears and my pain with sadistic glee as they ripped me to shreds. Yet in all those other fights, I'd always found some way to keep a small piece of myself hidden deep in my soul.

This time, I'm not so lucky.

I've left myself nowhere to hide a sliver of myself, no bit of me in reserve, no crumb tucked away safe.  Every fucking shred of me is engaged in this fight.  If I lose, I'll lose fucking everything.

But the one truth I know better than anything is that they will win yet again if I'm on this journey alone, but this time I'll be completely destroyed.

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