Broken

I don't know how to fight for my Man.
I don't.
Maybe I lack the inner strength.
Maybe I lack the intelligence and clarity.
Maybe I lack something so fundamental that I no matter what I do or how hard I try, I'm destined to lose everything to another in need.

I'm lost.
In a storm of cold pain so unrelenting I can do nothing to escape.
I'm shredded to ribbons from the cuts I've suffered.
Too smart not to see.
Too foolish not to deny.
Too in love to protect myself.
Too loyal to run.

I've tried to push us out of this.
I've tried to pull.
I never attacked.
I never let go.
But no matter what I did I wasn't sheltered and protected.
Only punished for my efforts.
I felt that so profoundly.

So close...
So fucking close...

Maybe the fear of that had Him reaching for old safety.
Maybe the unknowns had Him defaulting into patterns I couldn't overcome.
Maybe He heard His demons instead of my search for understanding.

I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.

I'm just broken and battered and devoid of any pride or strength.
~DominaKat