Intensity. That kind of experience wouldn't likely be spontaneous. It would require my Owner to put considerable thought and effort into the planning and direction of that shared D/s experience between us.
I'm stronger than I ever have been in our relationship. My mess of a life is honestly poised on the edge of a motherfuckin cliff and to stand this close to it's edge I've had to put the soft vulnerable pieces of me away. The warrior in me doesnt fear much and doesn't respond as easily to small doses of D/s as His little girl. The warrior needs a force of nature to force her to her knees and whimper in submission.
My mind is flat out full juggling the various balls I have in the air. A fear-based encounter might be the only thing that short-circuits the rushing river of internal debate, careful and constant assessment, and never-ending brainstorming.
And of course there's my insatiable need for more and growth. lol