Weakness

I fight the ties.
I fight the vulnerability.

I'm not comfortable.
I don't feel safe.

What if's haunt me.
Reality stalks me.

I now have a weakness.
It is you.

I fight with myself.
I fight my feelings.

Old habits.
So hard to break.

Trying to protect myself.
Trying to avoid any pain.

Be strong.
Always be strong.

But now I have a weakness.
You.

I've let you in so close.
Too close.

I've let you see so much.
Too much.

A fool?
Reckless?

No matter.
It is done.

I've left myself vulnerable.
To you.
~A Restless Kat

I thought love was suppose to make you stronger.  Why can't I feel it's strength?  Why does it scare the fucking shit out of me so?  Is it the situation?  Is it the fact that there are no practicalities - no tangibles.  Is it the realities that I find so difficult to swallow at times?  I can feel myself reaching to start covering my soft spots and wanting to start pushing back...I see it.  I'm trying to let those habits go.  I promised.  But they scream at me to protect and hide.  *sigh*  I thought love was suppose to give strength.  Silly me.