Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Protocol's Reassurance

I woke up.  Looked at my phone.  7:35.  Fuck...I had to be to work at 8.  I flew out of bed on autopilot and into the bathroom to make some semblance out of myself before I took off out of the house.  Pee.  Wash face.  Brush...

My only cognizant thought was...

"I didn't text M.  I didn't text him first thing like I'm suppose to.  I didn't...."  It was screaming at me in a loop how I'd failed.  I wasn't afraid of punishment....I simply mourned...I'd broken my ritual.   My protocol.  My...no matter what...I reach for my Owner and Daddy first thing.  My failure hurt me so deeply.  I wanted to sob.

I didn't have time.

I dried my hands and stumbled still on autopilot back to the bed to grab my phone.

I clicked the text icon....

At 6:17 AM...an hour and a half earlier was

"Good morning Daddy."

At 7:35 am was His ever reassuring response that connect me to Him.

A sigh rushed out of me.  A half-hearted chuckle of relief.  A wide-eyed daze of wonder.  A tear snuck out from under my lashes as I sat absorbing what was in front of me.

I don't remember texting Him, but I did, even half asleep or still asleep.  I reached for M like I've done every damn day for more than a year.  That gave me a sense of peace and rightness.  I laughed a little at how well trained His pet is.

My protocol was unbroken.  I was content and reassured.  All was right with my world.

He is my beginning and end, even unconsciously.

I am forever and always His.

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