Thursday, July 11, 2013

The Fighter at My Side

The last month has been exhausting, painful, and disheartening...except last week.  M rolled in just as things had reached critical and explosive proportions.  In the middle of chaos - when I was at my very worst - he was hours away from arriving for our planned visit.

Within an hour of us pulling in the driveway, He made it firmly known that I wasn't alone and that He would protect me.  That night I went into His arms and found once again my peaceful sanctuary. He held me like He'd never let me go.  He wrapped His heat around me and warmed my chilled, bruised soul.

Less than 24-hours later, He did what no man had ever done...He pulled me mentally and emotionally back from shutdown.  Without a fucking care about who witnessed or what anyone thought, He entered my space so gently and gave me a lifeline to cling to in the darkest shadows.  He leaned His forehead down to mine, slowly stroked my head and back, and coaxed my weary soul to the safety of Him.  The warrior in me that had surrounded me to guard against the pain surrendered her post to M.  The tension that had wracked my body dissipated, the coldness that had begun to creep into my heart ebbed, and the buzz of nothing that had burst in my head to shut out what I could no longer cope with drifted away.  Within moments every bit of chaos faded and all there was for me was Him.  M.  Daddy.  My Owner.

A small tickle of tears slipped down my cheek in relief at the unfamiliar feeling of not being left alone to fight my way through the battles I reluctantly found myself facing. That gift - that protection and shelter - was one of the most moving moments of my existence   My entire life, I've had to face my storms alone, standing as long as I could with my head held high and showing no pain.  Yes, there were loved ones in my corner and at my back.  But no one had ever jumped in the ring to fight at my side, to steady me when the knives cut deep. That man's love for me is the richest, strongest, most powerful kind of love I have ever been blessed to receive.

In the midst of chaos, He was so fucking calm and steady.  He brought me back to Him without hesitation or internal debate.  He was instinctually there.  He knew immediately when I defaulted into old habits of detachment, and He refused to allow those cruel defenses to take root in His pet...His woman.

When I say He is my center, that He is my beginning and end, those aren't bullshit, silly D/s sayings of a sub in awe of her Owner's ability to make me cum, find delicious subspace, or tame my lioness. words are soul deep truth and so very much more than sex or kink or fun.  There was no arrogance or dom showboating when He came to my side nor did humble submissive protocols snap into place. It was simply us. And that Us flows into every aspect of who we are and what we do.

For me...He is my soulmate.  The One I've waited my whole damn life to meet and share a life with.  I fit with Him in ways I never considered or imagined were possible.  He reaches into me so deep and true to find the very best I have to give.  I watch Him again and again offer me the best of Himself.  I've never been loved like this. I've never found peace like this.  Even at my very worst last week, we found a harmony that sang pure and sweet through the thunderous battle.  I can deny this Man - my Man - my Soulmate - nothing.

Through every moment we were together, the chaos retreated further and further.  The wounds I had suffered over the last few weeks faded.  With Him by my side, I am stronger than I've ever been.  While I, as always, hated to say goodbye, I had never been so grateful for the opportunity we had to be together.

However, the part that gets really eerie though is that from almost the second we've been separated, fate has been bombarding us both with challenge after challenge.  The gods truly seem pissed that we are apart.  While I can't at all say I appreciate their response, I do like that they bless our togetherness with good tidings.  I say that bodes well for our future, regardless of today.

In the meantime, I take strength in Him.  When I feel weak and tired, I think of that moment in my kitchen when He came to my rescue and know how very much I am loved.

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