Fet has a variety of subsets just like the vanilla world, and just like in the vanilla world, I am very much more in tune with Black Doms and the white women that prefer them. I don't connect well with the medieval or goth white guys and their female counter parts. ~shrug~ I can only relate to what I identify with. Unfortunately, my preferred subset seems more virtual-based rather than real time event-oriented, and as a whole the members are significantly less experienced and less interested in BDSM than other groups. These limitations are definitely a disappointment and at times a frustration from a social standpoint.
The drama factor has also impacted my Fet involvement. I've struggled to stay engaged or invest myself wholeheartedly because just as I am in real life...cliques, teams, and popularity contests hold no appeal for me whatsoever. Augh. In fact all are a HUGE turn off, but I've sadly found the online groups to be rife with those silly politics. I left high school twenty-some years ago, thank you very much. Yet, people have proven over and over to me how prevalent this mentality runs through the community, especially among the female members. In fact, I've even seen female teams turn essentially into virtual gangs that will as one shun or attack others not in line with their group M.O. or dutifully paying homage to the queens that rule the roost. Whatthefuckever. That's not how I roll as a strong woman or an intelligent confident adult. I can stand very firmly and easily on my own two feet without the need to surround myself with bullies or wannabes.
Luckily there are a few - and of course M lol - who are also interested in serious BDSM dynamics rather than high school political games, surface play, massive quantities of the rougher vanilla sex or limited fetish play like the whole strange foot-fetish thing. I gravitate toward those folks and discussions focused on serious BDSM or general intelligent discussion. It's not that I can't have fun. My version of fun just tends to involve my mind and emotions instead of inane chatter. I also have little interest in soliciting gratuitous attention by shouting out in every comment, thread, and pic my whorish techniques or abilities. I may vaguely reference my tactics, but the experience of me is reserved solely for M. Yes...I know. I write erotica, but those personal writings have nothing to do with attention and everything to do with self-expression. After all...how many people actually take the time to read? Few. The overwhelming majority are looking for the easy little thrills - pussy and tit pics or visuals of sex acts to jerk off to. ~yawn~ In contrast, I yearn for a positive environment of education and learning. I don't mind healthy debate on any subject, but I am sick of dumbing down for the masses and tired of witnessing the stark useless apathy that prevails throughout the stagnant and unmotivated majority. I want to grow myself not shrink.
So for those reasons as well as a couple other drama factors, I've pulled back and focused inward to determine how my next phase of Fet engagement should be. I'm still stewing... lol
However a funny thing has happened over the last month. A number of unsolicited comments and conversations have shown me that both M and I very much have without any intention established our voices within the groups we participate in. I was surprised at the support and the respect others have offered me as well as the admiration they have of our relationship. I'm not at all surprised at the support and respect others have shown M. lol After all, it's very obvious to me that He is a Dom and Man of intelligence, passion, and character. I'm so very proud of Him and honored to be His. I've know for a long time now that His voice could easily be a leader and advocate of Black Men in the world of BDSM if He chose.
But their feedback gave me a new perspective. What I never even considered was how I would be seen or want to be seen by the community. Just as M has been himself. I was just me. I participated in the conversations that intrigued me. I was honest, straightforward, and respectful unless given reason to be agressive. I was an advocate for M and sought a higher/deeper level of conversation related to the two subjects most meaningful to me: BDSM and a supportive interracial relationship with a strong Black Man. I didn't cater to the masses or seek key relationships to further myself or my image. I simply asked questions that came to mind. I can't act differently because at my core this is who I am without apology or regret. So in essence I can't change a damn thing for the sake of my image to the community. The result of my actions is simply unexpected.
As I have turned this new concept over in my head, I couldn't help but recognize another extremely vital truth within me. As far as my involvement in the community, I do not see myself as an individual entity. I am M's. His pet. His sub. His whore. I can not separate mentally, emotionally, or physically my engagement in BDSM - my beautiful sweet dark journey - from Him because the path I am on is nothing without Him. He leads me. My role, my service, my pleasure, and my pain are His. Yes...M very much allows me to be me, to spread my wings and use my voice as I am inspired. Yet as His sub, my reference point is always Him. He is my beginning and my end. My Alpha and Omega. How others in the community see or interpret me while greatly appreciated is completely irrelevant in my eyes. As long as M is pleased and proud of me and how represent Him, I am very, very content. His view of me is truly the only one that matters. ~blissful sigh~ :-)