"You need a lion."
"You're incredible, but exhausting. A man can't just throw dick at you and expect you to be satisfied."
"You need total domination."
"You need structure. You shouldn't always get what you want."
*sigh* Apparently I'm complicated even sexually. Complicated. Difficult. Demanding. Those are simply a few quotes recently from different male friends, lovers, and acquaintances. I don't see myself as they do. Yes, I know I am very, very sexual and that that river of passion and desire is never far from the surface no matter where I am. For the right partner...he could take me from calm and chatting amiably to panting and coming in a hot flood of juice in under 60 seconds. For a man that has the courage and strength to match me, I can respond instantly to his desire for me. My sexual nature is simply a significant piece of who I am. It always has been.
Yet, while I've had some amazing and beautiful sexual experiences, I feel as if I've never truly been taken to the highest peak. I'm not even sure what that would look like or how exactly to get there. I just know that there is something more...waiting. I'm searching for answers. I'm exploring theories.
But maybe it's an illusion. Maybe it doesn't exist. Is what I need, want, desire really such a challenge? There are moments when a part of me wants to scream in frustration or cry in hopelessness because some nameless part of me can't find fulfillment...release.
I know I am a greedy lover. Not just in that I want pleasure, but that I crave giving pleasure as well. To have my lover lose himself to my hands, my mouth, my body. To feel his control break and take from me what he desires most and what I so willingly would provide.
As much as I hate to admit it and despite what my best friend claims is my total feminist approach to life, there is an archaic and traditional streak in me that runs deep, deep to my very soul, and it demands that I be fought for and unequivocally claimed. Claimed emotionally, intellectually, and physically. As strong and as rebellious as I am...this seems like an impossible task to expect of any of today's men. And while I know this need is key, I have no idea really what it means or how someone should do it. *sigh*
~A Frustrated and Lonely Lioness