Friday, July 25, 2014

When Darkness Swallowed Me

The darkness in me that for many, many months I've buried under a sea of edits, mountains of work, and an endless amount of resume sending caught up with me today with a viciousness I never expected.  The most unlikely of sparks, lit the keg of dynamite I didn't know had been building.  In a heartbeat, M's cunt clenched and all the passion, need, and longing for M and our sweet darkness I've been ignoring exploded.  The strength of it left me shaken to my core and barely able to breathe.  The darkness in me that is utterly His swallowed be whole.

I tried to fight it off.  I tried to distract myself.  I tried...god I tried.  I didn't want to dump this on M out of nowhere.  I wanted so much to be strong and not needy.

I couldn't do it.  I was helpless with unrelenting need for Him.  For us.  For that dark, dark, wicked place that only He can every take me.

Panting, shaking, unable to even stand...I begged my Owner for any scrap of Dominance He would give His pet.  I would have done anything and everything He asked to bask in His Dominance and surrender to His Brutal Beast.  I did.

I begged.  I don't think I've ever EVER in my life been so desperate for anything.  Soul deep begging.  The kind that likely didn't make much sense.  The kind that sprang from my bones and blood.  I needed M more than I needed air.  I would have barked.  I swear, if he had asked, I would have stopped breathing for Him.

I can't deny it.  I need the weight of Him pushing me down.  The harder He pushes, the deeper I give to Him.  Our dark dance.  His Dominance.  My submission.  His Leash.  My compliance.  His Pain and Humiliation.  My surrender.

I begged like His good obedient dog as He used His cunt.  His hole wide open, blooming for Him. Greedy as only a nasty slut can be and I sobbed in relief and gratitude and surrender as wave after wave of hot orgasm sprayed between my legs for Him.

I remember once a long time ago in our very early days how I once begged.  Then I held back a piece of myself.  But I gave Him everything including every scrap of my pride.

Every moment I spend in His darkness is a pure blessing for me.  I can never explain the joy and freedom I feel when he pushes me so far down.  My place...under Him.  Under His feet.  Under His whim.  That's all I want or need.  That's all I crave.

To be His pet curled humbly at His feet in submission and surrender.  My Owner is my everything.
And I can't thank him enough for the darkness He so graciously wrapped around me today.  For a few sweet moments I lost completely myself to Him. ~sigh~

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