Thursday, December 27, 2012

Then and Now

Cleaning out my inbox, I found words M had sent me at the end of March before we'd even met.

"I know you love me. I know you've fallen deeper and deeper every passing day. I know you crave my touch. I know you love my light and crave my dark."

Nine months later those words are even truer, even more cemented into my soul.

I didn't expect him.  I didn't expect such patience or loyalty or deep love.  I expected what I'd always found.  Carelessness.  Lies.  Distraction with the next piece of fresh meat.  With every day we've found our way.  We've basked in the laughter and passion.  We've fought through the misunderstandings and challenges.  It was only after we started to face the latter, and I found him just as committed and focused that I began to believe in His love for me.

That strong and deep and true...has brought me to my knees and lifted me up to the heavens.

My sweet Daddy who nurtures and cherishes His babygirl.
My loyal tenacious M who respects and honors His woman.
My cruel sadistic bastard who torments His masochist.
My hungry passionate Beast that feeds from His victim.
My demanding Owner who protects His pet.

He is my dreamer, my idealist, my procrastinator.  He pushes me.  He holds me.  He never fucking lets me go.

With Him...because of Him, I'm able to give more.  I can be His soft spot.  I can be His whore.  I can be the silly sweet little girl teasing Him with goofy puppets in the store isle.  I can be His bitch that organizes His projects.  I can be the woman by His side whose hand he holds tightly as we walk down the street.  I'm not His secret or His second choice.

I'm simply His.

No...a year ago, I never expected Him to even exist let alone walk into my life.  I never expected to love again so fully, to be able to love again without holding back pieces of myself in reserve.

Yet here I am.

Thank you M.
And before you even ask...for being you.  ~kiss~

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