Lost & Found in Service

This was my fortune cookie a few weeks ago. Honestly, how much truer could that tiny slip of paper be for me?

Over the last two years with M, I've learned so much about submission and love and strong, healthy relationships. And yeah, there's a thread of kinky, erotic, nasty sex.  But that is by no means at all the sum of us.  Not at all.  What we're doing, building, dreaming, working towards...is a life together and everything that goes with that.

The last few months have been filled with success, excitement, trepidation, stress, and anxiety.  We've been so focused on the practical and on the tasks at hand, that I became a little out of touch with my submissive perspective and it was becoming increasingly painful for me.  I felt like I was losing all the softest, sweetest pieces of me as we drove relentlessly toward goals.  A few days ago, I realized I had become self-absorbed, short-sighted, and selfish in my helpless panic to find those pieces, and I needed desperately to reconnect with the basics.

In the course of time, I had slowly quit putting M first.  His book and our work together on it had quietly snuck up to edge Him out of being my first priority.  While I submit to all that is M—His wonderful Mom, His life, His hopes, dreams, and goals, His emotions, His vision for His future and ours, His friends—I can't let any of those secondary submissions replace my attention and priority to the Man He is and the needs He has.  Yes, His book has been His priority, but in making that my priority I didn't take care of Him and my needs in turn were also left unfulfilled.  I was no longer giving to M, I was giving to His book, which in no way feeds Him or satisfies my submission and need for Dominance.

~sigh~ I was so ashamed that I had lost sight of my priority and that I was no longer giving M the best of me.  I went back to revisited a post I'd made a little over a year ago, The Promises of My Submission, reflected on those basic pledges, and humbly apologized to M.  This morning I've updated my words with pieces I've learned over the last year.

But that little slip of paper in my fortune cookie said it best...I can only find my peace and joy in my service to M, by losing myself in the act of giving to Him I find myself and my place at His feet.
~DominaKat

The Promises of My Submission

I promise to put You first in all things.
I promise to remember You are a Man before you are my Owner, my Dom, my Daddy.

I promise patience, understanding, and empathy.
I promise to nurture our dynamic just as You do.

I promise to be an active submissive partner.

I promise loyalty.
I promise straightforward honesty.

I promise to be as courageous and strong as I can be.
I promise to be as helpless and as vulnerable as I am able.

I promise to be the best I have in me.

I promise to take care of myself so that I may serve.
I promise to take care of You so that I may please.

I promise to use my mind and heart for our benefit.
I promise you access to my body in any way You desire.

I promise to open myself mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I promise to give all that I can.
I promise to take all that is offered and demanded.

I promise not to run when I hurt or am afraid.
I promise to fight for You in all things.

I promise to obey.

I promise to learn from my mistakes.
I promise to forgive Yours.

I promise to help build our potential.

I promise to contribute to our dreams.

I promise to believe in You, myself, and in us.
I promise to follow Your lead.

I promise my love.
~DominaKat