A fellow blogger over at A Kind Dom recently posted a few discussions about masochism and its relationship to submission. Intrigued with the thoughtful discussion, I dove in. But of course that didn't sate my need for words...
Why do I submit to M's sweet suffering?
I am driven to sate His dark hunger deeply and richly.
I have an inherent need to serve and please, M.
I want to demonstrate actively how willing I am to submit to Him.
I love to suffer for Him, so He may drink my pain, fear, and tears.
I love Him.
I enjoy the challenge He rains down on me.
His darkness makes me so wet I leave puddles and so hungry I tremble.
He pushes and tests my limits with His darkness. Every time it's a little bit more, a little harder, a little darker.
That fucking incredible endorphin rush.
So that I can hear the dark rumble of His growl.
The delightful suffering of it all rips me open mentally and emotionally to my Owner.
It tears down the day-in-day-out me and brings me to that primal fundamental animal that is raw and vulnerable and vibrantly exposed to Him so that He can engage with the essence of me.
His pain strips me down bit by bit to free my wild beast to run on His tight leash.
It brings us closer together than I've ever felt to any person in my life.
It allows us both to feel the full weight of our power exchange and bask in its glory.
It reinforces our trust, faith, and our bond.
There are hundreds of reasons. Some blatant. Some subtle. Some unselfish. Some extremely selfish. And everything in between. But in the end, there is really only one answer that truly articulates it all.
I am His.
Pure and simple. If that were not fact, truth, reality, I could not share myself in such intimate acts. For me, masochism isn't simply physical. It is an emotional, mental, and physical state of total vulnerability. I am not a pain slut just in need of the stimulus. It's the D/s and S&m connection that thrives between us that sparks my need for His Dominance and Pain. I am His pet who suffers willingly and gratefully for Him and for Him alone.